Text Message
by sparrowismyhummingbird
Summary: A series of text message one-shots between John and Sherlock. Most are Johnlock orientated. Other characters will be involved too. Prompts welcome! JOHNLOCK, so if that's not your cup of tea then don't drink it. Enjoy! Rated T for safety but rating could go up for some chapters, depending on what prompts are recieved. Open to any requests!
1. Tea

_**Hallo! **_

_**This will be a series of text message drabbles mainly between John and Sherlock; but sometimes other characters will get involved too! Happily taking prompts and requests! Check out my other JohnLock piece 'Mine'. =)**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything here other the plot. All characters and settings are the BBC's. **_

_**Enjoy! **_

**_1._ _Tea (for NeoCosplayCat626)_**

John. –SH

Yes, Sherlock? –JW

Need you. –SH

What? Why? I'm at work. –JW

I need your expertise, John. Though I hate to admit it, I'm lacking in this certain field. –SH

Certain field? Sherlock, what are you doing? –JW

Tea, John. I can't do it? –SH

Tea? You've texted me while I'm at work… to discuss tea? –JW

Not discuss, John. I need instrtuctions. I can't do it. The kettle keeps groaning at me. –SH

Groaning? Sherlock…Right. Ok. Follow these steps. the kettle. With WATER from the TAP. I don't fancy getting ill again from your last attempt at descaling the kettle with animal urine. –JW

Canine. German Shepherd to be exact. –SH

Step two, fit the kettle back onto its base. Lid closed. Step three, flick the switch on the base. If there's no orange light, check the socket is on at the wall. Is that helpful enough for you? I can't believe I'm doing this…surely you know how to use a kettle? You know how to infiltrate a military base for christ's sake! –JW

I've told you before, John. My hard-drive is needed for far more important things than turning a kettle on. But thank you, that's all sorted now. Where do keep the cups? –SH

Oh god. In the top left cupboard above the sink, Sherlock. Anyone would think you've never set foot in our kitchen before. –JW

Kitchens. Dull. There are far better uses for such spaces. –SH

Like matching fish scale DNA it would seem…Got the cup? –JW

Yes…John? –SH

Sherlock. –JW

The little porcelain jar. –SH

The teabag pot, yes? Oh god, what's in there? JW

Nothing. –SH

Oh good, get a teabag out then. Put it in the mug and add the sugar. (That's half a teaspoon by the way. I'm cutting you down. If you refuse to see the dentist then I refuse to give you sugary foods, and that includes tea.) –JW

Ugh, dentists. They advise you to use certain toothpaste and yet get paid for treated your ruined teeth. Does no one but me see the alarmingly obvious link here? I don't trust them…–SH

Got the teabag, Sherlock? –JW

I can't, John. –SH

You can't what, Sherlock? –JW

The jar is empty. No teabags. Not even a tooth. –SH

Teeth? You've been keeping teeth in there? Oh Jesus… Okay. Fine. I'll pick some up on my way home. –JW

That's irrelevant at the moment. Thank you. –SH

Jesus, are you alright? First taking no notice of my ignorance at your opinion of dentists and now we've moved all the way to gratitude? I'll have to check you for a temperature when I get home. –JW

You think lowly of me John. Does that involve the thermometer again? No John. I refuse. I made it quite clear at the time that that particular event would not ever be repeated. –SH

Don't worry, Sherlock. This one goes in your mouth. Trust me, I don't want to repeat that either. Mind you I could skip that all and just feel you for a fever. –JW

I prefer the latter. –SH

Right, well, I'll see you later. I can't talk for much longer, I have patients waiting. Please don't find any more uses for our crockery before I get back? –JW

See you later, John. –SH

… -JW

**Thanks for reading! **

**-sparrowismyhummingbird- **


	2. Snow

_**2. Snow**_

Where are you? – JW

At the flat. Why? – SH

No, where are you IN the flat? – JW

On the sofa. John, why're you asking me this? I can see no possible conclusion you could be needing to draw from these questions. – SH

Then, for once, you've missed something. Look outside. – JW

Yes. – SH

Are you looking? – JW

Yes, John. – SH

See it? – JW

See what, John? All I can see is Baker Street covered in snow. – SH

For the love of Christ, Sherlock. That's what I'm talking about. It's snowing. – JW

Thank you, John. I really needed you to tell me that. Would've never guessed it on my own. – SH

Are you still stood at the window? – JW

Yes. Why? Where are you? You're late home. – SH

I'm on the pavement. Look. See me waving? – JW

Oh, yes. I can see you. Why did you want me at the window? – SH

I wanted to prove that I know you, Sherlock. I know you better than anyone and I wanted to prove it, okay? – JW

John, that's pointless. I already knew that. – SH

Fine then. I want to prove it to myself. How's about that? – JW

Go on then. I'm intrigued. What is there to prove? – SH

Put some clothes on. – JW

What for? I'm perfectly fine as I am, John. – SH

Sherlock. Come right up to the window so I can see you fully. – JW

What? How is this proving anything? If this is a silly game, John… - SH

Sherlock. – JW

Fine. – SH

Thank you. Hah! See? There you go. I knew it. – JW

What, that I'd be only wearing the sheet? Oh, simple deduction to make. I was wearing it before you left, John. This was no challenge for you, and thus proves nothing. – SH

Yes, you were wearing it before I left. But, yesterday Lestrade told you he needed you this morning, meaning you would have gotten dressed today. However, just as I left you received a text saying he no longer needed you after all. After I left, you would have sulked. This is proved because you didn't call me during my lunch break like you usually do. You were still sulking before I texted you a moment ago. All this sulking means you would have deemed the day unworthy, therefore unworthy of getting dressed for too. You stayed in your sheet for the whole day. Am I right? – JW

I'm impressed, John. You must have learned from the best. But how does this prove you know me better than anyone? – SH

Because it's true. And because I also know you well enough to guess that you already knew it was snowing before I texted you. However you still avoided getting dressed. Put some clothes on, Sherlock. You'll get cold, it's bloody snowing. – JW

I'll put some clothes on if you come inside. – SH

Why is that relevant? – JW

It's bloody snowing, John. – SH


	3. Hamster

_**3. Hamster (For scarydory2)**_

Where do we keep the dustpan and brush? – SH

Why does every word of that sentence fill me with dread? – JW

John. I need them. Where are they? – SH

The cupboard under the sink. What have you done, may I ask? – JW

Me? I've done absolutely nothing. And yet it's still my job to clear up this mess. I suppose that's the downside of this particular experiment. – SH

What I told you about experimenting while I'm out of the flat? Right, Sherlock. Explain please. What 'mess' is this? What's making a mess in our flat? – JW

A hamster, John. – SH

A hamster? What? Is that a typo, Sherlock? – JW

Nope. A hamster, John, A small, furry, nippy little hamster. Aggravating little creatures. – SH

Sherlock. I said explain. What's possessed you to experiment on a hamster? – JW

Fur colour pigments, John. I'm testing to see if they change. This one's just been dip-dyed an alarming shade of violet. I need to see whether its fur grows back in the same patterns and markings as it was before. A man's alibi depends on it. It's a rare breed. – SH

There'd better not be any 'alarming shade of violet' finger prints anywhere, Sherlock. What do you need the dustpan for? – JW

I forgot these infernal creatures create excrement. – SH

Oh Christ. Okay. Just…make sure it doesn't leave your sight. I don't fancy finding hamster droppings in the sugar. – JW

By 'leave my sight'… - SH

Oh Jesus, Sherlock! Where is it? – JW

It ran under the sofa. But it's okay, John! I'm coaxing it out with violin music and shortbread. – SH

Oh sure, that'll work fine. He'll be out just as soon as he knows who the bloody hell Mozart and Chopin are! – JW

I've named him 'John'. – SH

Oh Christ… - JW


	4. Lamp

**_4. Lamp_**

John, could you switch the lamp on? - SH

What? What lamp? Is this some kind of code? - JW

No code. The lamp, John, beside you. - SH

Sherlock, there is no lamp in my office... - JW

...Oh. When did you leave for work? - SH

At about 8:00 this morning. Nice to see that I've been gone for 5 hours and you haven't noticed till now. Switch the bloody lamp on yourself. - JW

Tough day? No surprise, it must be terrible. Having to deal with real-life idiots every day. - SH

Sherlock, they're my patients. Ad they're often ill. Cut them some slack. - JW

I don't cut things unless they're needed for a experiment or a case. Slack is something I rarely go near with a knife. - SH

Right. Well, was that all? Just the lamp? - JW

I think so. If there was anything else it's escaped me. - SH

That was the only reason you were texting me? Why couldn't you turn it on yourself, Sherlock? - JW

Can't move. My feet are currently encased in a cubic concrete mould. I've been stood in the kitchen for a while. - SH

Concrete mould? What are you testing for? - JW

How painful recirculation of blood is once a limb has been subjected to loss of it for a significant and sustained period of time. I need to see if a criminal could have escaped after being compressed in a small space or whether it would have been too painful to walk. - SH

Right. Well to be quite honest you lost me at 'significant and sustained'. One question, what will you do if your feet do grow painful after this? - JW

Sit down. - SH

Right. Very well then. I'll be home by 5 today. Shorter shift, Sarah's letting me off early. - JW

Good. You can tend to my aching feet should my experiment result as such. - SH

A massage will be enough to get the blood flowing again. I'll warn you though, it will make them ache more. - JW

It's fine. I trust you, John. - SH


	5. Jam

_**5. Jam**_

Lestrade called. He needs me at Scotland Yard this evening for some person identification. I won't be in when you get home. - SH

Fair enough. Is this to do with the Mrs Crawford case I presume? – JW

Yes. We've got a suspect coming in thinking they're a witness there to help identify the culprit. I'll be looking very closely for the signs of natural nervousness that a suspect maintains when in or near a police facility. - SH

I see. What time will you be back then? – JW

Probably towards 10:30. If all goes well. - SH

Well then. If you are any later, I'll leave you something to eat in the kitchen. I need some sleep, Sherlock. You've been keeping me awake far too often recently. Bloody cases. Not even all of them help with your boredom anyway. - JW

Not all of them do, no. There are some really good, mainly murders. Serial killers. Then there are feathery, dulls that just keep me entertained between the great ones. And don't worry, re food. I'll be fine. - SH

No. You won't be. Food keeps us alive, Sherlock. I'll leave something in the oven. That way all you have to do is reheat it, is that easy enough for you? Not too much trouble. - JW

What are you having? - SH

Probably some of the leftover casserole from yesterday. I'm not cooking from scratch this late. – JW

I see. Let me know once you're home won't you? - SH

Why? Is this because I didn't take a taxi last week? Sherlock, I'm a grown man. I've saved your arse many times. I can survive the walk home from the clinic. – JW

No it's not about that. You'll see when you get in. - SH

Oh god. Okay, promise me it's something pleasant? - JW

I'm positive it is. It's hard for it not to be, I suppose. - SH

...Right. - JW

**-Later that evening-**

Sherlock? Did you do this? - JW

Do what, John? - SH

Leave the jam. On the table. It's next to your violin so I assumed it was you. Not like Mycroft to drop a gift by is it? - JW

So you DO see it as a gift. Interesting. Have you read the note? - SH

Yes. I liked the 'insufferable git' part.

_'Thanks for putting up with me. I know I'm really an insufferable git as you put it often. Here's me leaving food out for you for a change -SH' _

Thanks Sherlock. Do you want me to save some for you? - JW

No need. There are three more jars in the fridge. Didn't want you to run out. Got to dash, be back around 10ish. - SH

Well they're lovely. Thank you, Sherlock. See you later. – JW


	6. Hickey

**_6. Hickey_**

You were wrong, Sherlock. The scarf's not working. In fact, it's probably drawing more attention. - JW

Problem? Attention isn't always a bad thing, John. - SH

I've already received four strange looks since arriving. Two from Anderson, one from Donovan and one from Lestrade. It's your fault. If you were here they'd be busy trying to figure out your deductions, but instead you're at home, leaving me in the limelight. – JW

The case is less than a seven, John. You know my rule. And how is it my fault? - SH

Because it was you who gave me this bloody thing! And now I have to cover it up, possibly drawing more attention than if I just let them see it! There! That makes five strange looks, Sherlock. I'm blaming you for this. I'm not happy. – JW

You didn't seem to mind while I was giving it to you. Perhaps next time you should remind me that you don't wear scarves very often, and that I should direct my lips elsewhere on your body. Satisfied? - SH

No, Sherlock. Next time, you're the one getting the hickey. - JW

I look forward to it, John. – SH


	7. Pet

_**7. Pet**_

Mycroft called earlier, he wants you for something. Says he'll pop round the flat at some point tomorrow. – JW

Oh joy. My dear brother decides to grace us all with his presence. I'm ecstatic. - SH

He probably means well this time, Sherlock. You never know. – JW

He never means well, John. For a start, he keeps kidnapping you without asking. - SH

I'm not your pet, Sherlock! I can take care of myself you know. How's the hair follicle research? – JW

Of course you're mine, John. The follicles are fine. - SH

Remind me again why I couldn't come with you? It's only Bart's. – JW

I assumed you wouldn't want to. Bad memories and all that sentimental nonsense. - SH

Don't assume, Sherlock. In case you'd forgotten, I lived for almost two years after the fall still passing Bart's everyday on my way to work. I'm fine. – JW

Yes, but you've never been back here since I returned. Apologies for assuming anyway. Are you busy? - SH

Not tremendously, why? – JW

I could actually do with a hand. - SH

Of course. Though, can I ask what for? I thought you were extracting follicle oil? Do you really need an assistant for that? – JW

No. But I do need my pet. - SH

You know, every day it's harder and harder not to throttle you. - JW

That seems likely. – SH

I'll be there in 10. – JW

Thank you, John. - SH


	8. Milk

_**Note: I'm planning on every tenth chapter to actually be a proper, full-length one shot. Just for some added variety. It goes against the name but who cares? =)**_

**_8. Milk (inspired by a tumblr post)_**

How many Sherlock's does it take to get the milk? – JW

I don't know. - SH

No because you've never bloody done it! – JW

I'm assuming this is some sort of hint then? - SH

That's good. Good deduction. We're completely out. Could you pick some up on your way home? I would but Sarah needs me to stay a few minutes late to see to an extra patient. Thanks. - JW

Should I be concerned? - SH

Concerned? No, I think it's a migraine problem, they'll be fine. - JW

I meant about you, John. Not concerned...jealous then? - SH

Jealous? What… of Sarah? Hah! Don't be, Sherlock. She's not even staying herself, I'm having to lock up. - JW

Good. I'll get the milk on my way back then. See you later. And remind me to remark you as my own when you get in? I feel the last one has worn out. - SH

Oh Christ, Sherlock. The bruising's only just gone down from the last one! And I'm not wearing that bloody scarf again! – JW

I'll mark you elsewhere then. – SH

Fine. – JW

Oh, you love it. See you later, John. - SH

You'd better get that bloody milk, mister. - JW


	9. Lipbalm

**Oh my gosh! I can't believe how much positive feedback I've recieved from this! It makes me so happy to know that my writing is appreciated. So thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favourited and/or followed. **

**I owe you so much. **

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**9. Lipbalm (for HoodedNinja1911)**

Sherlock, what the hell is all this in the bathroom? – JW

I assume you're referring to the shelf above the sink, John? They're lipbalms. I got them yesterday. Research. – SH

There are 38 of them, Sherlock. What possible research could you want from 38 lipbalms? – JW

It's for an experiment. Each one is a different flavour. – SH

I don't see how that explained anything… -JW

Don't worry. You'll find out all you need to know soon enough. – SH

Let me guess, this is one of your experiments that I'm involuntarily a part of? – JW

All signs are indeed heading that way, yes. Problem? I thought you'd quite enjoy this one. – SH

Okay. Whatever 'research' your aiming to collect from this, just know that next time, I'd prefer to be let in on the experiment before I become a subject. Is that so hard to ask of? – JW

Not at all, John. I will be sure to tell you first, next time. Just out of interest, which colour caught your eye first? – SH

What? Oh, I suppose it was the green one. It's a lot brighter than the rest. Why? – JW

No reason. I was wondering, that's all. I'm nearly done here by the way. I've just got one more body to see and then I'll be on my way home. How's the wrist? – SH

I told you, it's just sprained. I could have come with you today, quite easily in fact. – JW

But then you wouldn't have found my stash of lipbalms would you? And you'd be a lot less wise on the subject than you are now. – SH

I suppose. Although, however wise I am, I'm still not looking forward to the main body of this experiment. –JW

You should be, John. Trust me. – SH


	10. Cooking Lesson

_**And here's the 10th chapter, a full-length oneshot, as promised. **_

_**Enjoy! **_

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**10. Cooking Lesson**

'No! Jesus, Sherlock!' John quickly caught the pepper shaker just in time to prevent the attempted dish from becoming speckled in a blanket of black. 'Not that much!'

'Oh, I don't see why this is important, John!' Sherlock threw his hands in the air. They'd been in the kitchen for a total of 12 minutes so far, and already Sherlock was itching to get back to his fish scale experiment.

'Because it's a basic necessity of life, Sherlock. That's why.' John sighed; putting the pepper shaker on a shelf beside him that meant Sherlock would have to move to get it again. Something John was confident he couldn't be bothered to do.

'It really is pointless though, John.' Sherlock turned and leant back against the counter. 'Why can't you do the cooking, and I'll,' he moved and sat down at his make-shift lab 'desk' and began fiddling with microscope slides containing slithers of fish skins. '…do the working.'

'Because that would make me the wife.' John turned back to the hob with a roll of his eyes and tried to salvage the peppery mess.

'You _are_ the wife, John.' Was Sherlock's baritone reply, his frown fixed intently on his experiment.

John chose not to remark. He prodded the attempted pasta dish a few times, a thoughtful frown creasing his forehead as a comfortable silence settled between them. One engrossed in cooking, the other in fish scales.

After a few seconds, John sighed, lifted the wok off the hob and proceeded to dump the contents into the bin.

'You know, you really should learn to cook, Sherlock. I won't always be here to play 'wife', I mean what if I'm-'

'Why, where're you going?' Sherlock interrupted him, all his attention gone from his work and now focussed in the form of a concerned frown, directly into John's blue irises. Sherlock's own sea-green held the faintest touch of…worry?

'What? No, I- Sherlock, I'm not- it's not-…' John tripped over his words at the sudden accusation.

Sherlock's hard gaze stayed intently fixed on the older man, his facial expression never faltering as he waited for John to gain control of his tongue again enough to speak a coherent sentence.

'I'm not going anywhere, Sherlock. I simply meant if I weren't in the house, or if I was away visiting Harry or something. I won't always be around to cater to your, very odd, eating habits.' John was referring to the other night when Sherlock decided he was going to eat at 3:30am but didn't know how to prepare…well, anything. 'That's all I meant. I'm not leaving-'

_**BING!** _

Sherlock's text messaege tone interrupted John's explanation and he decided it was a sign to stop babbling.

Sherlock completely ignored the message, his eyes staying fixed on his doctor.

John cleared his throat and finished scraping the wok's contents into the bin before dropping it into the sink, all the time avoiding the scrutinizing eye contact from the detective.

Sherlock's eyes stayed on the doctor for a few seconds after John'd stopped talking, still deducing the truth out of him. Deciding the doctor had, in fact, been speaking truthfully, he slowly returned his attention back to his fish scales, that tiny sliver of concern not quite completely leaving his eyes.


	11. Sharpie

_**11. Sharpie (for HoodedNinja) **_

SHERLOCK. - JW

JOHN. - SH

Seriously, Sherlock. What the hell have you done to my jumper? - JW

Which one? - SH

The red one. With the blue speckles along the hem. It was a gift from Harry, Sherlock. You've ruined it. - JW

It really is tremendous that she's giving you gifts, John. And I wouldn't say ruined...I think you'll find enhanced is a more appropriate word. - SH

Enhanced?! In what way? There are now 240 stick-figure sheep drawn all over it in black permanent marker! - JW

243. And they add a bit of character to it, John. I couldn't sleep. - SH

You're supposed to COUNT sheep, Sherlock. Not DRAW them! And certainly not on my clothes! - JW

You certainly are abusing that Caps Lock key today aren't you, John? And if your clothes are off limits…may I suggest you decide to wear something other than your navy blue shirt anytime soon then? - SH

You didn't...Oh Christ. How do you even get hold of them?! - JW

It's not my fault you don't tidy up after yourself, John. They were left discarded on my bedroom floor. I counted three days before deeming them as mine. Although, I do hope you didn't wear them together...that would look odd. - SH

Oh for god's sake...I apologise then, Sherlock. For my lack of both promptness and fashion skills. Next time I'll remember to pick them up again. Now can we please agree for you to draw your sheep elsewhere from now on? - JW

The fact you said 'next time' excites me, John. And of course. I shall seek other canvases. - SH

And that doesn't mean on my body either! - JW

Of course not, John. Of course not. - SH


	12. Stains

_**A slightly shorter one, this one. Just for some variety. Also a new face! Well…newish… =) **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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_**12. Stains**_

Sherlock, John, you're needed down at the Yard as soon as possible, gents. Got a tricky one on our hands. - GL

Thanks, Lestrade. We'll be right there. Just as soon as I've scrubbed the tea stains out of my BEIGE jumper. Next time, could you just text me when we get a case and not the both of us? Sherlock's fits of excitement are gradually getting more and more dangerous. - JW

Sorry, mate. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. See you in 10. - GL

More like 15. He's lost his shoes now...Honestly it's like bringing up a 6 year-old. - JW

Glad he's your 6 year-old and not mine. Been there, done that. Got the stains to prove it. I especially don't fancy having to deal with a 6 year-old Sherlock. You've got the award of Best Tolerance Levels there, mate. Sadly, this case is a goodun. He'll be no calmer by this evening. - GL

Thanks for the heads up. We're leaving now. Be there ASAP. - JW


	13. Games

_**Thanks for the continued support! Here's something a bit different. **_

_**Note: This is pre-Reichenbach. **_

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_**13. Games (for justteaformethanks0707)**_

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Hello, Sexy. Want to play a little game with me? - JM

I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. I refuse. - SH

Are you sure now? I rather hoped you'd want to. In fact, I'm sure of it. - JM

Quite sure, are you? I see. - SH

Yes. Quite sure. I haven't seen you're little pet around recently...have you? I wouldn't want to worry you though, it was simply an observation. That's what you like isn't it? When people observe? - JM

John. Where is he? And don't try to butter me up, it makes for a weasel-like image. - SH

Oh, and you'd hate for me to have a bad image wouldn't you? It seems there is still hope for us yet, Sherlock. - JM

Tell me where he is, James. - SH

Ooh first names, I like it.  
Ah ah. Now that would be cheating. I don't cheat. - JM

No of course not. Liars never cheat. The devil always plays fair. Only slightly fairer for himself than for others. Where. Is. John. - SH

You know me so well, it seems. And yet, you know me so little. John is 'hiding in plain sight' as it were. Of course, you need to know where to look. - JM

I told you I refuse to play your game. You will not make me play, neither will you watch me dance. Where. Is. John. - SH

Ah, my dear Sherlock Holmes. But you are already dancing for me. John is safe. For now. Come and play and I might even be tempted to only hurt him a little. - JM

Where? - SH

I'll give you a clue. Mercury. - JM

Not clear enough. Different clue. - SH

Clear as mud, clear as ice, but which one? They're both quite nice.  
Hansel and Gretel ventured into the forest and found a wicked witch in a sweetly decorated cottage.  
If you venture into the same forest, Sherlock. I guarantee your find will be much sweeter. Much sweeter indeed. - JM

Moriarty. Give me the location. I can't 'play' without a location, can I? - SH

John agrees. Much sweeter. Catch you later, Sherlock Holmes. - JM

Or not. - JM


	14. Details

_**Some mindless, harmless fluffy type chit-chat. Because I can, and because I know you all like it. =)**_

* * *

_**14. Details**_

What are you doing? - SH

Why are you texting me from across the room? - JW

Don't answer my question with another question, John. You know I despise those who do that. - SH

No you don't. You despise everybody. Apart from people who are mad enough to stick around you. Like me. - JW

No, you're right. I do despise everyone but you, John. - SH

That wasn't quite what I meant, Sherlock. - JW

So, what are you doing over there? - SH

Just finishing up the latest blog entry. - JW

Really John, no one is reading that anymore. The counter is still stuck. It's always 1895. - SH

That doesn't mean no one's reading it. It means the bog counter's broken. - JW

Wonderful observational skills you're portraying there, John. Although I do hope 'bog' was a typing error... - SH

Yes it was, thank you, smart-arse. - JW

I'll have you know, every inch of me is smart. Not just my arse. - SH

And as always, every inch of you is as modest as well... - JW

What else? Do share. You've obviously been studying me in great detail, John. Just because we're communicating via text doesn't mean I can't still see your eyes flicking from the laptop screen, to me and to your phone every 0.47 minutes. - SH

Do you want it as a list then?  
Here:  
-smart (genius)  
-modest (incredibly so)  
(both already mentioned)  
-vain (always)  
-articulate (a given)  
-obnoxious (can be)  
-ill-aware (specifically of how your words affect others)  
-big-headed (sometimes)  
-unusual (in a good way)  
-attractive (beautifully so)  
-intriguing (since the moment I met you)  
-astounding (always)  
-caring (surprisingly often)  
-ignorant (unsurprisingly often)  
-tall (I'm running out of ideas here)  
-deep-voiced (told you)  
-mine. (no explanation needed)

There. - JW

... - SH

What? - JW

I'd send it via text, John. But I feel it needs to be expressed in person. Needless to say you won't be finishing that blog anytime soon. Follow me. - SH

What? Sherlock! Fine. But just before I get up to follow you. I'll leave this on your phone for when you return to it. It's handy that you left it on the sofa. - JW

I forgot insufferable. - JW

And positively perfect in every way. -JW

**- Some considerable amount of time later-  
**  
Stop quoting Mary Poppins, John. It's not a good look for you. - SH


	15. Mickey-Taking

_**15. Mickey-Taking (for TheMysteriousGeek2345)**_ _I must admit, when I read this over after finishing it, I realised I'm not very happy with it at all. I'm not sure if I even met the request as it was intended to be met, so apologies if that is the case. Thanks for sending it in though! A challenge is a challenge after all! Even if I cocked it up. Ahah. XD _

* * *

Hello again, Sexy. Miss me? I must admit, I've been away from you a while...Concerned? Don't be. I merely want to play a game with you, Sherlock Holmes. Do you accept? - JM

Go ahead. I'm bored enough. - SH

Don't try and insult me through your boredom, Sherlock Holmes. I know you'd do anything to stop being bored. So, care to play?  
It's called 'A Sharp Tongue', you must describe me, Sherlock Holmes. I need a good bask in my own glory.  
Here are the rules:  
1. One word at a time.  
2. A word about the other.  
3. You're not allowed to re-use a word, not your own neither the other's.  
4. The first person to break a rule is automatically the loser.  
Understand? - JM

Snide. - SH

Aggravating. - JM

Loathsome. - SH

Childish... - JM

Unpredictable. - SH

Pathetic!- JM

Outdated. - SH

Ridiculous! - JM

Repetitive. - SH

WRONG! - JM

Hiding. - SH

LIAR. - JM

Boring. - SH

...Homosexual! - JM

Correct. - SH

Correct? - JM

You lose. - SH

What?! What did I miss? - JM

I do believe you broke the third rule, Moriarty. Shame that, I was enjoying myself. - SH

Rubbish. It became clear after your word 'Loathsome' that those words were no longer back and forth. I was reacting to your words with my own. You behaved childishly, your third choice of word was pathetic and I am most certainly not outdated. The game was over long before we finished, Sherlock Holmes. - JM

Then perhaps a different game next time? I think you'd cope better. - SH

Cope?! What are you insinuating? That I can't handle a few adjectives? You really are out of your mind, Holmes. Be warned, I'm back from my little siesta and back to ruin your life yet again. Careful though, don't fall too heavily for your little pet of a flatmate, it will only make the outcome of my plans a whole lot more satisfying. - JM

I shall consider myself 'warned' then. Till next time. - SH

Meet you up there, Sexy. - JM


	16. Billboard

_**16. Billboard (for Broken-Zodiac)**_ _With this one, I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do with it and it ended up veering off into a completely different direction. And the new direction turned out much better than the original idea. So yeah, that's what happened here. And its also why the prompt word is a bit vague in relation to the content of this one. Nevertheless, enjoy!_

* * *

Remind me again why it couldn't have been you up here instead of me? - JW

Because I need eagle eyes on the three possible routes this man could take. Lestrade's covering the nearest underground station, Mycroft's got CCTV cameras all over the streets surrounding the building within a half-mile radius, and you're up there keeping your eyes fixed on the roof of the building opposite you. Understood? - SH

Yes, Sherlock. I just don't understand why it's me clinging to this billboard instead of you. - JW

I need my best man on the job. Besides, I'm inside with the suspect in question which, I think I can argue, is a much more important position. - SH

Yes, but Lestrade's got the rest of the Yard team with him and Mycroft's practically got the whole bloody government! Who do I have? No one. I feel like a pillock up here, Sherlock. It's high up, windy, unstable and cold.- JW

You've got me, John. If he runs up to the roof, I'll text you. As soon as he emerges I want you to fire a warning shot near his head. You're a military man, your aim is superb therefore i've every faith in you not to hit him. We need him alive please, John. -SH

Right. Got it. And my breech-terms? - JW

You can decide those for yourself. If you wish to create a rule then so be it. But please be lenient, like I said, we really do need him alive. - SH

Very well. Same as before then. - JW

Before? - SH

Cabbie. If you become in immediate danger, I shoot him. - JW

Very well then. As you wish. I shall try to avoid immediate danger. Thank you, John. - SH

Thanks for what? I haven't done anything yet.- JW

Yes you have. Right, stop texting me now and concentrate. He's about to leave. Be ready. My bet is on the roof. Good luck, John. - SH

Okay. Thanks, Sherlock. See you on the other side. - JW


	17. Sibling

_**Just for clarification before I begin this chapter. I realise that Mycroft and Molly have the same initials. (Could get confusing!) So here's a tip:**_

_**Mycroft signs his texts as '- MH' **_

_**Molly signs hers as '- Molly x' **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

_**17. Sibling **_

John. Sherlock's not answering his phone. I need him urgently. If you could get a message to him, that would be greatly appreciated. - MH

Sure. What's the message? - JW

Thank you. I need him to meet me in Trafalgar Square tomorrow at 3:30am. Do you think he'll manage that? - MH

What, sleep-wise? Yeah, no worries there. He's often up and playing violin by 2:50. Shouldn't be too hard for him to meet you at that time. He'll just need some convincing before he'll get dressed. I'll work on it. - JW

Thank you, John. My brother seems like an ever-growing hindrance. I must admit, my respect for you has risen, Dr Watson. Any man who can take on my brother's habits and live to tell the tale is a saint in my book. - MH

He's not too bad. Once you look past the body-parts and spontaneous gunplay. - JW

How thin is the line between brilliant and reckless? - MH

That's a truly frightening question. - JW


	18. Composition

_**18. Composition**_

* * *

John. Listen to this. [Audio File.x] - SH

Since when was it possible to send audio files over text? What is it? Will I be mentally disturbed? - JW

Stop asking questions, John. Just listen. - SH

Okay. - JW

Well? - SH

Wow, that's...yeah that's something. When did you write that? It's nothing like what you usually play. - JW

That's because I didn't write it while you were in the flat. I wrote it during times when you were at work or out getting drunk with Lestrade. I suppose you can say it replaced you while you were gone. - SH

I do not 'get drunk' with Lestrade, Sherlock. We have leisurely drinks and he moans to me about his wife. Not exactly Ibiza. And why do I need replacing? I thought you never noticed when I left...? - JW

Yes I do, John. Well, I do now. I never used to, I'll admit. But I do now. - SH

Is that a confession? ;) - JW

Yes. - SH

Well, go on then. What's it a confession of? - JW

Fine. Yes, okay? I miss you when you're not here. It's nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone on earth suffers this hellish feeling on a daily basis. Nothing new. - SH

It's new for you, Sherlock. - JW

Your point? - SH

No point. None at all. I'll see you back at the flat once I'm done here. Should only be a couple more hours. Will you be ok for that long? - JW

Shut up. Or else i'll force myself to delete this 'missing you' feeling. Sentiment. - SH

You can try. But I doubt you'll succeed. See you later. - JW


	19. Desperation

**_19. Desperation (post-Reichenbach)_**

**_Fun fact: These following texts are all taken (and minorly changed) from texts my friends and I sent to the number shown in the pilot as Sherlock's. (07544680989)_**

**_We were bored one day and decided to have some fun with it. None of us have recieved a reply yet. Although I'm predicted we never will. One of us even called it but it said the number was currently unavailable. (Either meaning switched off or engaged)_**

**_Nevertheless it cured our boredom and allowed us to dip into some phone-cosplay or 'one-way-RPing' if you will. _**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

**__**  
We could really do with you getting back here, mate. We need you at the Yard. John needs you. John needs you full-stop. Just...get back here as quick as possible, yeah? - GL

Um, Hi. I was just wondering, that is if you even still use this phone, you probably don't in which case this is pointless but I was just asking if you know whether you'll be returning anytime soon? Not that I'm rushing you or anything! No, I'm fine. Well, not fine, but I'm ok. We could all just, um, do with you back that's all. - Molly x

Impressive trick, Mr Holmes. Using gravity to your aid. But I wonder, how ever will you top it? - IA (The Woman Who Beat You)

He's finding it increasingly hard to cope, Sherlock. I'm trying my best, but I'm afraid it's taking it's toll on him. Worse than we predicted actually. He's getting closer to the edge every day. I rather hoped it would all be back to normal by now. - MH

Left you a cup of tea out on the kitchen worktop this morning. You didn't drink it again. - JW


	20. Rooftops

_**20. Rooftops (for DocBones) (post-Reichenbach)**_

_**Note: Just a reminder that any requests/prompts are very welcome. Don't be shy! **_

_**Another note: Just another HUGE thank you to you all. I was reluctant to start this series of one-shots because i didn't know how it would be recieved. So the fact that you all seem to think everyone is in character and that you even enjoy reading these is a big big thing for me. I'm extremely grateful to you all.**_

_**Okay, enough babbling from me now! **_

_**Enjoy the second one-shot chapter in the series! It took me a while to perfect this one... **_

* * *

I wake up and immediately notice my throat is dry and my stomach is twisting at odd angles.

Today.

Today exactly 2 years ago.

I'll do it this time. I have to.

I kick my legs out the side of the duvet and rub my eyes, swallowing hard in a desperate attempt to return some moisture to my sand-paper throat. Rubbing a hand through my hair confirms that it needs washing. I groan audibly. A shower can wait. I have to do this. I can't put it off. Not again.

I pull my phone out of the charge socket and quickly send a text. Just in case he gets back while I'm gone.

**I'll leave you a cuppa out. Please drink it this time. – JW**

I glance back at the most recent ones I've sent.

**Cup of tea on the side for you. Be back later. – JW **

**You didn't drink your tea. – JW **

**Need anything? I'm heading out to the shop. Left you a slice of Mrs Hudson's birthday cake on the coffee table should you get back before me. – JW **

**Didn't fancy cake then... – JW **

**How many cups of tea are you going to waste? – JW **

**Off to bed. Kettle's boiled. Just… you know, if you get back while I'm asleep. – JW **

I breathe deeply and put it back on the bedside table.

Clenching my jaw, I nod. I'll do it this time.

* * *

When I finally pull myself together, I extend my left hand to rest my palm flat on the door. Pulling the handle with the other hand, I breathe deeply and push.

Immediately the wind licks bitterly at my cheeks and I clench my teeth against it. This is how far I came last time. Last year. This very same day last year, I told myself I'd come up here. But I chickened out at the last minute, just as the wind hit my face. Just like it is now.

I fight hard to keep the bumbling squiggles in my chest and stomach contained, pushing them down and out the way, just like I did back when I was called up to help a wounded fighter. The fighter that I was attending to when I got shot.

Funny that.

This messy, nervous feeling has ever since been subconsciously linked to pain. Perhaps that's why I'm dreading this moment so much.

But I need to do it. Even if only to pay my respects to the man that changed my life. It's fair to say it. It is the truth after all. I'd never say it to his face though; his head's already too big.

Well…

I suppose I never will say it to his face now, will I?

The sun reflects off of the grey concrete below my feet. White is all around me and it glares angrily, burning my eyes so I squint. Lifting a hand up to my forehead, I pierce my surroundings carefully. My feet begin to move and with each step I feel my palms get sweatier, my chest grow tighter.

How can it be so hard? It's only a bloody rooftop, John.

Yet it is hard. Each step is another scuff of my shoe on the rough gravel, another blink against the harsh light in my eyes, another twist in the pit of dread that it my stomach.

I've made it though.

I peer slowly, painfully slowly over the edge of the building. It's not the same place. Not where he fell. The other end. The other side of the building. I don't think I'd manage to stand exactly where he stood. No. I'd definitely crumble then.

I swallow. The bitter wind combined with my nerves has caused my throat to dry up again. My saliva feels thick and clogged, my hands still sweaty and my vision now fixed on the horizon.

I've made it.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Slowly turning my body round to look back to where I've come. To marvel in my achievement.

I remember how his voice sounded. On the phone when he left me his note. At the time I was clueless. Why did he sound so…afraid? This was the man who had chased a phantom serial killer through a planetarium, been shot at while diving in amongst historical artefacts, nearly killed himself with a lethal tablet until I showed up and saved his helpless arse.

I gulp again. Having turned a full 180, I haven't yet lifted my gaze. I need extra courage this time. Just to look at the spot where he stood. From this angle it will just make it all the more real, what happened.

I clench my fists and jaw simultaneously. With one final puff of my chest, I let my eyes flick up.

My mouth drops as I see it.

At first I can't quite make out what it is. Just an obscene blob of black against the whiteness that had been here for so long it had become the norm. The blob moves, almost billowing in the wind.

The cogs in my head turn and my vision clears just as the final piece clicks into place.

A figure.

Tall, dark, his hands clasped behind his back and he's facing away from me. My mouth remains open, my throat raspy and sore now. I take a step toward him. Blinking, I can't believe what I'm seeing. I must be imagining it. Of course I am! How in the bloody hell could he have-?

I shake my head hard, blinking again before my eyes find the dark shape once more. Unmoved.

Real.

I can't trust the evidence of my own eyes any longer because they're telling me that this figure stood in front of me is-

My phone bleeps in my jacket pocket. I take it out with shaky hands and the screen makes my stomach drop and flutter all at once.

**Put the kettle on then. – SH **


	21. Plait

_**21. Plait **_

_**Note: Sorry for the length...I know it's pretty crap. I came up with this one in a Chemistry lesson for those who are interested. You're probably not. I'm just rambling now for no reason. I'll shut up. **_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Molly. I need you. Desperately. Do you think you can fish out that 17 year-old, Master Rilson from the other day? I need a sample of his hair ASAP. - SH

Oh. Um, yes. I mean of course, Sherlock. I'm here until 6:30 today. Do you think you'll be here for then? It's no problem if not, obviously. I don't know what you do in your spare time. Just...yes. I'll be here. I'll go and get him ready. - Molly x

Excellent. Thank you, Molly. - SH

And don't worry about trying to fix your plait. It looks fine. - SH

How did you-?...um. Yes, okay. I'll see you later then. - Molly x


	22. Socks

_**22. Socks**_

* * *

You rearranged my sock index AGAIN. - SH

What? I've not been anywhere near your sock drawer, Sherlock. Maybe it was Mrs Hudson? - JW

Oh please. She's clearly incapable of what I like to call 'snooping'. Don't forget who I am, John. I know it was you. Find anything interesting? - SH

Sherlock. What could I possibly want with your socks? - JW

Pointless. We're going around in circles now. Just admit it was you and we can forgot about it. - SH

But it wasn't me! - JW

Fine. I'll simply get you to confess some other way. As well as finding out what you were looking for. Shouldn't be too hard given you're one of the most predictable flatmates I've ever had. - SH

I'm the only flatmate you've ever had. All the others didn't make it make a past a week. You should be grateful I haven't left already. - JW

Already? That implies you will eventually. - SH

Oh for Christ sakes! For the last time, I'm not leaving! Will you stop insisting that I am? I'm not bloody going anywhere! - JW

Then why imply such things? Really John, if this is your idea of a joke...it's not very funny. - SH

I give up. See you later. - JW

Well that was abrupt. You seem like you need de-stressing. I'll work on that when you get in, shall I? - SH


	23. Lungs

**_23. Lungs (for Broken-Zodiac, though she may not remember requesting it)_**

* * *

Lungs. Human lungs. Necessary? - JW

Quite necessary, John. I see your trained eye is yet to falter. - SH

You make it sound like it was a test. What are they doing on the kitchen counter? - JW

Marinating. - SH

Marinating? What the hell are they marinating in, Sherlock? - JW

Irrelevant. The fact is that they /are/ marinating. I need them moist for my experiment later. - SH

Later? As in later today? Can you give me a time so I know when to make myself scarce? - JW

I rather hoped you'd join in, John. - SH

Join in? Sorry...what with? - JW

It's nothing, John. A silly thought. My mistake entirely. Forget I ever said it. I take it back. It's fine. - SH

Hey, hey don't get stroppy. I just don't see how I can help out with a lung experiment. Unless you need my medical expertise? - JW

Expertise? Hardly, John. You didn't know why my wrist was swollen the other week. Knowledge. I need your medical 'knowledge'. - SH

Yes, they do indeed say flattery will get you far... I told you, Sherlock, your wrist was swollen because you'd sprained it by sodding around like you always do. - JW

I do not 'sod around', John. I experiment. Sometimes more actively than usual, I'll admit. So are you going to help me or not? - SH

Magic words? - JW

Seriously, John. Do you expect me to act a prat? I know it's a bit of a home-from-home for you, but you should know I refuse to change my ways for 'sentiment'. - SH

Aw, if I didn't know better I'd say that was your funny way of saying 'I love you'. And I meant manners, Sherlock. You know, please and thank you? Never mind, I'll help you out with the lungs. See you later. - JW

Funny way? I'm not that humorous, John. Neither am I that unusual. - SH

Of course not. - JW

I love you. - SH

I love you too, you insufferable git. x - JW


	24. Baby

**_24. Baby_**

**_Note: I realise this one ends extremely similarly to the last. Apologies if that's dull. _**

* * *

Jesus Christ, Sherlock. Have you seen the most recent case request? I'll forward it to you. [weblink.x] - JW

Excellent! Wonderful! Right, I'll be back at the flat in 5 minutes and we can get started. I need the details of this Mrs Hayman, John. Reply to her with a confirmation of acceptance from me and get as many basic details of the situation as you can. - SH

Sherlock. Have you read the content? You do know what this case is about don't you? - JW

Yes, John. I have. Is there some sort of point to which you are attempting to draw my attention? - SH

A baby, Sherlock. It's a baby. A baby is missing in London, Sherlock. Missing. Kidnapped. - JW

Yes, John. And is there any particular reason you're repeating yourself so often? - SH

Jesus, Sherlock. How could you be so ignorant to that? A young, helpless, weak, vulnerable little baby has been kidnapped, Sherlock. - JW

John. Stop getting attached to this. Sentiment is a disadvantage. If you get emotionally attached it could harm you in the long run. Trust me. I must detach myself in order to keep the work my priority. You must understand that. - SH

I do, Sherlock. I do. It's just...a baby. It seems worse because it's a baby. It's so young. So helpless. - JW

And that's exactly why I intend to get straight on it. I'll be home in 2. - SH

I love you. - JW

I love you too, John. - SH


	25. Technology

**25. Technology **

* * *

Doihavetherightnumber?~MrsH

Mrs Hudson? This is John. - JW

John!Thatmeansihavetherightnumber ,deary!Couldiaskforaquickfavour?~MrsH

Of course. What can I help with? - JW

Whereisthespacekey?~MrsH

Haha, I see. Press the 0 number key. That's usually a space. - JW

Ooh! Thank you, John! That's saved me a lot of hassle! I was meaning to ask you, actually. Would you and Sherlock like a slice of fruitcake? I baked too much for the shop, you see. Come down, I've wrapped it up all ready for you. ~ Mrs H

That would be lovely, Mrs Hudson. Thank you. Sherlock's in the shower at he moment. I'll come down once he's out. Otherwise he'll wonder where I've gone. He seems to have been noticing my absence more of late. - JW

The shower? Missing out on a chance for fun there, John. ;) ~ Mrs H

You can't find the space key but you can type a winking face? I underestimated you, Mrs Hudson. - JW

Many people do, dear. ~ Mrs H


	26. Marriage - Wedding

**26.**_** Marriage/Wedding **_

_**Note: Sorry for the short break! Have been a busy busy bee! =) **_

* * *

Bored. - SH

Sherlock. It's impolite to talk during a service. Texting also applies to that rule. - JW

Then why have you replied? - SH

Sherlock. Stop it. It was a (helpless) attempt at making you stop. - JW

You're bored. - SH

Expand. - JW

You wouldn't have replied unless you were anything but. You would have simply put your phone away again. - SH

Well? Any suggestions then? We're both bored and unless you have any more deductions to make, we're both finished here. - JW

Well I've got all the information I need from her wedding dress alone. - SH

Shall we ditch? - JW

After you. - SH

Okay. Leave 5 minutes after me then. I'll disguise it by making it seem like I've got a call. - JW

I'll leave it to 7 minutes. 5 is too predictable. - SH

Fine. Whatever, just don't suddenly become interested in the service and leave me outside looking like a prat. - JW

You know full well that I can't do anything about the 'prat' part, John. That's very much a self-inflicted image. But I promise to meet you outside. - SH

Good. - JW

Dodging my insults? This is new. I must conduct further experiments to decipher a reason for your sudden change in character, John. - SH

I'm starting to think staying at this wedding might not be so bad after all... - JW

Pity. I had plenty of interesting ideas, John. Ideas on how we could've cured our boredom once we'd managed to sneak out. - SH

Meet me outside in 3 minutes. 5 is too predictable. 7 is too long. - JW


	27. Blood

_**27. Blood**_

_**Note: Sorry for the monumental cock-up with uploading earlier this evening! Clicked document 28 instead of 27. Curses for being organised eh? So in place of just Chapter 27, as a sort-of apology, here's 27 and 28 in one go.**_

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

It's happening again, John. Help. John. I need you. You said it wouldn't happen again. It is, John. Why? - SH

I said it wouldn't happen again if you sat still and didn't rush about for a while. I also said you should eat something. Have you? - JW

Rubbish. Eating doesn't prevent nose-bleeds. That's a silly doctor's myth, John. - SH

Fine then. I'll stay out of it shall I? Leave you to sort yourself out, that is of course if you don't bleed to death first. - JW

Oh stop it! You know I need your help. What do I do? Pinching my nose isn't helping very much. - SH

It sounds like you've burst a vessel rather than cut the inside of your nose. There's no pain? - JW

None at all. Just light-headedness and boredom. - SH

There's always bloody boredom... And the light-headedness is due to lack of food and so stress on the brain, leading to burst vessels due to an increase in blood pressure. You need to calm down, sit still, keep tissues nearby and EAT SOMETHING. I'll be home in 2 hours. I want to see dirty dishes near the sink. And dirty with FOOD, not experiment remains. Got it? - JW

Yes, Sir. - SH

What? - JW

Nothing. I was merely attempting to cure my boredom through acting as though you were my superior in the army. It didn't work. I promise to eat something though. - SH

Really? If you want me to roleplay you just need to ask, Sherlock. I never knew you were into that sort of thing. And good, make yourself a high-energy meal, carbohydrates, so pasta, bread, potatoes etc. I don't care how many groceries you use up, you need to eat. Ok? - JW

I don't know whether I prefer you as a doctor or as a soldier. - SH

If you promise you'll eat. And rest. (No more sodding about with test tubes) Then I can easily be both. - JW

Both. Both is good. - SH


	28. Interruption

_**28. Interruption **_

**_Note: This time correctly named! =) Enjoy!_**

* * *

John. - SH

Joohhn. - SH

JOHN. - SH

JOOHHN. - SH

JAAWWWNN. - SH

Yes, Sherlock? I was with a patient. And why the hell did you spell my name like that? - JW

I love you. - SH

I love you too, Sherlock. - JW

Was that all? You interrupted my work. (Again) - JW

Sorry. I won't in future. - SH

No, it's fine really. It was a nice interruption. I miss you. - JW

Really, John? You saw me under 5 hours ago. - SH

It's still perfectly normal to miss someone after that length of time. - JW

Is it? - SH

Yes. - JW

Then I miss you too. - SH


	29. Taken

_**29. Taken**_

* * *

Are you sure the only remain was a belt buckle? - SH

Yes, quite sure, Sherlock. He'd been dead for three hours tops, completely naked other than his belt buckle resting in the centre of his chest. Do you want me to send a photo? - GL

Is that some kind of stick at my sexuality, Lestrade? I don't appreciate degrading humour. As you well know. - SH

Only when it's directed at you, though eh? You're more than happy to dish it out as and when you please. - GL

This conversation had lost all relevant meaning. Thus, I wish to bring an end to it. - SH

Very well. Just pass a message onto John for me will you? Tell him I'm back on for tonight's drink. I need to talk to him about something. - GL

If that's an attempt to make me jealous, Lestrade, it's poor. I'll pass on the message, but don't make a habit of making me mailman. - SH

Fine, it's noted. No mailman, no jealousy attempts, no 'sticks at sexuality'. Jesus, can't a guy have fun anymore? - GL

Not when he's wasting time chatting with men, who are very much TAKEN, about things irrelevant and unnecessary to either of their work topics. - SH

Don't worry, Sherlock. I'm not trying to steal John from you. I'd hate to be on the pointy end of your angry scale. We'll talk about the case later. - GL

Indeed. - SH


	30. Bubble-Wrap

_**30. Bubble-wrap (for NeoCosplayCat626)**_

_**Note: I honestly don't know where this stemmed from. Neo gave me the prompt of 'Bubble-wrap' and I suddenly had the image of John wrapping Sherlock up...perhaps my mind is a little weirder than most. **_

_**Also, I've heard rumours of deleting random words from documents for some reason tonight. Must be some kind of uploading glitch. Just an apology if that is the case with this chapter. **_

_**Ah well! **_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

'Still bored...'

John ignored the detective's whining baritone and grinned as he continued to wind and wrap, and wrap and wind, the long sheet of bubble-wrap further and further, and tighter and tighter around Sherlock's middle. It pinned Sherlock's arms to his sides leaving him unable to free himself from the trap. Unfortunately, his mouth was untouched, meaning he _was_ able speak.

'Yes, John. I did. But I was referring to curing my boredom through a case. Solid work. Hard brain-power. Murder, kidnap, suicide. Puzzles, numbers, pressure.' He listed through gritted teeth. 'Not numb forearms and a scarily content flatmate.'

John was busy holding a large piece of parcel tape between his teeth while trying to keep the bubble-wrap securely in place. 'Yeth, but we've ethtablithed there are no 'worthy' catheth at the moment-' John paused to take the tape out of his mouth and stick it down onto Sherlock. '-and I point-blank _refuse_ to give you your gun back.'

Sherlock grunted, 'But I haven't shot the wall for weeks, John.'

'No, Sherlock. But you nearly bloody shot me!'

'Meh, you were being an idiot. And I wasn't aiming at you in particular. You happened to walk in at the wrong moment. It was simply poor timing on your part.' Sherlock made to shrug but found it slightly difficult.

John shook his head in response.

'Oh for God's sake, how is this suppose to cure my boredom!' Sherlock suddenly shouted, impatient beyond the meaning of the word. He began wriggling to display his unhappiness at being bubble-wrapped. A pretty childish action.

'I didn't guarantee it would cure your boredom, in actual fact, I said 'I've got an idea.'' John paused with a smirk as he rounded on Sherlock, finally ending up in front of him.

'Okay, so now what?' Sherlock sighed, narrowing his eyes, challenging his flatmate.

'Now, we wait.' John stepped back and perched against the arm of his chair behind him, arms crossed, an amused smile playig at his lips and dancing in his eyes.

'I can't believe i let you do this...' Sherlock gritted his teeth and hissed. 'Foolish. Foolish!'

'Believe me, neither can I.' John stood straight again and headed for the kitchen.

'Where're you going?' Sherlock frowned.

'To make tea, do you want one?' John spoke then turned back to look at the detective, arms pinned to his sides, pathetically stood like a sore thumb in the centre of their living room. John nodded at Sherlock's hands and arms trapped to his sides and gave him a mock-sympathetic look. 'Ah, perhaps not?'

He then chuckled and disappeared into the kitchen.

'Do you get some kind of sick kick out of this, John? Tying me up?' Sherlock called out.

Nothing.

He waited for the response, but none came.

'John?'

Nothing.

'John!'

Still nothing. Sherlock's impatience rose quickly. His arms were becoming painful now and he was growing tired of the restricted movement.

'You never struck me as someone who's into bondage, Dr Watson!' Sherlock shouted.

Still nothing.

'Ugh! This is ridiculous! How on earth am i supposed to- mmph!'

John had quickly swept into the room and slapped a large piece of parcel tape straight over Sherlock's busy little mouth, rendering him speechless.

'There. Bloody hell, that's much better!' he exclaimed and Sherlock stared at him in surprised disbelief.

'Oh don't look at me like that. Puppy-dog eyes are childish, Sherlock. They won't work.' John raised an eyebrow then quickly leant forward and pressed a kiss to Sherlock's tape-covered mouth. 'Only in a way you didn't intend.' He grinned, inches away from Sherlock's face and Sherlock groaned at the tape's presence between them, almost leaning forward again to try and reinitiate the contact. But John had already stepped away before Sherlock could reach him, disappearing back into the kitchen again at the sound of the kettle clicking off of boil.

The artificial smell of adhesive was vile as it wafted from just under Sherlock's nose and he hated his situation all the more. Suddenly, vibration erupted in his breast pocket inside his jacket. It was Lestrade's ringtone.

A case!

Sherlock made to move so he could pick up and answer but when his arms remained pinned, he realised his predicament and groaned audibly behind the tape.

'Jnnnn!'

John stayed in the kitchen.


	31. Public Transport

**_31. Public Transport_**

* * *

This is why I only take taxis. - SH

Or go on foot. - JW

Or go on foot, yes. This is horrific. - SH

What's wrong, Sherlock? You're in a bus. What, did blue-rinsed old women gossip about you? Are some teenage boys flicking spitballs? - JW

Don't be so insensitive, John. I mean this is horrific because I'm having to deal with the likes of real-life morons in their natural habitat. A middle-aged, unemployed, dandruff-suffering man just asked his unfaithful and uninterested girlfriend what would happen if all the STOP buttons were to be pressed at once. I hardly blame her for being unfaithful. He's almost as irritating as Anderson. - SH

I would give you a suggestion to 'cure' yourself from this 'horrific' experience. But you're already doing it. - JW

What? Deduce them? I already have, John. I'm currently sharing means of transport with five porn-addicts (two of which are women), three unemployed 'novelists', an insurance broker who recently went into depression upon hearing her childhood pet budgie has died (he's called Rex in case you were wondering), four single mothers (all going grey), one pregnant teenager who is trying ever-so-hard to keep it a secret but sadly for her I can easily tell she's with child just from her posture (she's three weeks gone but she stands so her back is arched as if carrying an 8 month gone baby, typical sign of a first pregnancy. She's trying too hard.), two recent non-smokers (pity) and one girl who is suffering a similar psychosomatic problem to yours, John. Only hers is an aching of the wrist as opposed to a limp. There. Bored now. - SH

Well at least that passed some time. Where abouts are you? - JW

Just driven past Bart's actually. I'll be home sooner than I predicted. Luckily. - SH

There you go. Deducing worked. The kettle just boiled. Do you want one? - JW

Tea would be marvellous, John. Thank you. I have a proposition by the way. - SH

Yes? - JW

Next time I get forced to travel via a bus or likewise vehicles, I demand you come with me. Then I won't be anywhere near as bored and even if I am I'll have someone to moan to in person rather than waste time typing it all out like this. - SH

So what you're saying is you'd prefer my company next time? - JW

I always prefer your company, John. - SH

You've got two sugars in your tea today. :) - JW


	32. Fight

**_32. Fight (for paisley15 who, can I add, is such an amazing person for reviewing so often. Thank you! I hope this turns out at least a little bit like you'd hoped.)_ **

_**Note: This is an early one. Before any sort of established relationship. Attraction is there, but nothing more. Just to avoid confusion. :) **_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Sherlock Bloody Holmes. Where are you? We agreed to meet here over two hours ago! It's bloody cold! - JW

Quite a few profanities there, John. Everything ok? - SH

Sherlock. Stop trying to avoid explaining yourself. Where the bloody hell are you and why are you so late?! - JW

Are you really this angry, John? I realise I can be irritating at times. But I hardly see this as something to get angry about. - SH

Oh, you don't do you? Right. No, that's fine, Sherlock. I see your point actually. I mean, why would I get angry at being made to run around for you like some blue-arsed fly with a post-it note labelled 'Lackey' stuck to my forehead?! - JW

Really, John. That comparison is largely ill-proportional. A post-it note would never fit on a fly's forehead. That is if, to say, they even have a forehead. - SH

You're such a git sometimes, you know that? Wait. Of course you bloody know that, you know it and still choose to make no attempt to change it. Very not good, Sherlock. - JW

You really are angry aren't you, John? - SH

Yes. Sherlock. I am. Because I've been stood at this telephone box now for over two and a half hours, my feet are numb to the ankles, my nose and ears are stinging and my fingers have no ounce of natural colour left in them. And I'm in this state for you, Sherlock. No one else. You. - JW

Thicker socks, scarf, ear-hat, gloves. Problems solved. And I know, John. I am well aware of why you're doing it. - SH

No I don't think you are, Sherlock. You asked me to run to the shop the other day because you needed toothpicks. God knows what the bloody hell you needed toothpicks for, but I got up and went to get them for you anyway. Yesterday, you told me we'd run out of kitchen roll and loo roll would 'simply not do' so I left again, to get you more kitchen roll. Last night, or should I say this morning, you woke me up at 3:20am because you were hungry but couldn't work out why the toaster wasn't working. So I got up, switched it on at the wall and helped you make toast. At 3:20am in the morning. Right now, I'm stood leaning against a telephone box in the middle of London that similarly matches the shade of my skin, texting you in a fit of rage because once again you asked me to do something for you except this time it's worse because you've failed to keep up your end of this deal. Majorly failed. So excuse me for being a little bit pissed off at you, Sherlock. God help us all if I ever said no to you, eh? - JW

I can't reply to the majority of that text, John. Because it doesn't need replying to, other than to say I owe you an apology. A very large one. But can I ask, probably more for my own research than anything, why haven't you ever said no to me, John? - SH

Is this some kind of test? - JW

No test whatsoever. I'm just curious, John. Why can't you say 'Bugger off and get your own kitchen roll, Sherlock' with that characteristic little clench of your jaw like you always do when you're miffed? - SH

Because you need those things doing. You need those items, I get them. You need food, I feed you. You need company, I talk to you. You need solitude, I leave you be. You need boredom cures, I entertain you however I can. (NOT CLUEDO EVER AGAIN) - JW

Yes, John. But WHY? - SH

You really want to do this now? - JW

Yes. - SH

Because I needed a friend, and you made sure I never felt alone again. There. - JW

However, at the moment you're making sure I'll never feel my THUMBS again. Can you hurry up please? - JW

I'm stood right beside you, John. Always have been. - SH


	33. Suits

_**33. Suits (thanks to NeoCosplayCat626 for being a wonderful RP partner and a brilliant Sherlock!) **_

_**Note: For anyone with Tumblr, mine is **221b-bagend-street** if you'd like to follow me! I mainly post Sherlock and The Hobbit but don't hold me to that. Sometimes I find cats in tutus hilarious and am liable to reblog funny randoms. xD **_

* * *

What was in that box you signed for this morning? - SH

New suits for us both. Why? - JW

Suits? - SH

Yes, Sherlock. Any ideas yet? Or do you need me to spell this one out for you? - JW

No, no. I know fully well why we have new suits. Lestrade texted you earlier to tell you that Fraser, our prime suspect, is attending a party of some kind...tomorrow evening. On a Friday... which means it's most likely a work-related function. An office-party or suchlike. However, for you to need to order new suits for such an event would mean that it's something more formal than a simple office function. A dinner-party theme? Or perhaps even a ball? - SH

As ever, I'm still impressed by you. Yes, he's attending a party tomorrow night. There's no specification of a ball or dinner-party, Lestrade told me 'extremely formal'. Mind you, he could be planning to make us turn up looking like complete prats...again. We need to follow the Fraser and see who he's meeting there. But you already knew that. - JW

Yes, I did. And what's this about Lestrade making us look like prats? - SH

Oh, I forgot. You've probably deleted the hotel resort incident...And by the way, Sherlock, just, you know, because I'm a little bit curious...where the bloody hell are you? - JW

St Bart's. Molly pulled up the lab results early for the Sandler homicide. I told you it was the teenage son... 'Daddy issues.' And I've come across something that makes who Fraser is meeting a very important aspect of the case. If it's a brunette woman, the case is closed. - SH

Really? So soon? I'm surprised actually, that you even took this case at all. It's barely a 5 in my book. - JW

It has potential. And since when was 'your book' anything like mine? - SH

I'll admit I've had to make changes to my 'book' in the past. And that's great, at least you're not bored. :) - JW

Really, John. Smiley faces aren't really your thing. It makes you seem like an adult desperate to be more like a child. Odd. - SH

Shut up, else I'll accidently make a deliberate mistake about your means of mind-stimulation when I write up the Sandler case. - JW

No one reads your blog, John. You should have learned that by now. - SH

And you should learn when to recognise a broken blog counter when you see one. What time will you be back tonight? I need you to try your suit on so that if any alterations are needed I can send it back in time for tomorrow evening. - JW

You will never accept the obvious truth, will you? Please, no one reads it. And you just want to see me in a slightly smarter outfit than usual don't you? You're inexplicably easy to read John, even through texts. - SH

Of course I do. It doesn't take a genius to know that, Sherlock. - JW


	34. Photo

_**34. Photo (thanks again to Neo!) **_

_Note for _**_starrysummernights_**_: I realised, as me and Neo were RPing to create this chapter, that it turned out similar to an aspect of one of your stories; (the photo uploading part) and for that I must apologise if it offends you or gives the impression I stole your idea. I didn't intend to in the slightest, that's just how this turned out. If you'd like me to remove/change it then just say the word. You're so great at keeping me inspired and motivated and I'd hate to cause any kind of upset. =) Thanks. _

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

Explain. - JW

What have I done now? - SH

Well, shall we start with the fingers in the frozen peas or the (what I can only assume are earlobes) in the marmalade jar? - JW

How else am I suppose to preserve them? Would you rather I left them to decompose on the ends of the pieces of string hanging from the ceiling? I thought not. - SH

I was making a joke, Sherlock. This time it's not something that involves the kitchen. (Though i do hope you've left my jam alone.) It's about my blog, actually. Or more importantly the photo you managed to upload last night. - JW

What's wrong with that photo? I rather liked it. I believe the word they use is 'cute'. - SH

Maybe, but was it really necessary? - JW

Entirely. Your adoring fans deserve to know the real you. - SH

Well then, maybe I should do the same for your 'adoring fans', Sherlock? Yes? - JW

Oh please. When do you propose you will get a photo of me asleep? You know those moments are few and far between. - SH

Ok, fine. I won't get one of you asleep. I'll get a different one. A better one. - JW

Just remember I'm a doctor though. Sleeping pills are yet to go extinct. - JW

And you've yet to fool me into consuming them. I know you've tried. You're as easy to read as ever when you've got something to hide. As are most people. - SH

Am I? Ok then, as well as getting the photo, I'll work to prove that theory wrong. - JW

I look forward to it, John. Do inform me when you're ready to give in. - SH


	35. Heat-Proof

_**35. Heat-Proof (for Broken-Zodiac) **_

_**Note: Apologies for the random double update thing. I updated Chapter 35 a minute ago and decided to chop of the first part of it, thus making it uncomprehendable. So I've had to re-write the first part again. **_

_**Another Note: My copy of Parade's End arrived from Amazon yesterday. So if I have a sudden and unscheduled gap between chapters it's because I am busy staring at Ben's gorgeous portrayal of Christopher Tietjens, (which i can only pronounce as 'tight jeans'), in awe. Ahem. **_

_**Anyway! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

John, where's your Browning? - SH

I don't know, Sherlock. Where is my Browning? I thought it was in my top drawer? - JW

You moved it. Don't make me rummage for it. - SH

Because you know full well I will. - SH

The last time I used it was on the Crawford case last week. And I'd prefer if any 'rummaging' was left to me, Sherlock. - JW

Why, John? Something to hide? I need it. Rather urgently. - SH

Fine, I understand you may need it Sherlock but please let me do the rummaging. - JW

You are hiding something from me. You know very well I will be able to find out what it is. Even without the need to rummage. - SH

No doubt you've already worked it out then... - JW

Oh, yes. I already know it's a gift for me. The reason for the gift I am yet to decipher. But I will, give me time. - SH

There's really no point in trying to be romantic with you is there? And where is your own gun, Sherlock? - JW

I've taken it apart obviously. - SH

What? Why on earth? - JW

Because I'm testing the heat resistance of the barrels. I told you that earlier. Really John, you should learn to take better mental notes. - SH

Okay, okay fine. I'll look for mine. - JW

Hurry, John. Another question - where do you keep the bullets? - SH

You honestly don't that? Is your head screwed on properly? I don't want you losing it. - JW

You've picked up on how to hide things from me. But you do need to hurry, I can't leave the kitchen. - SH

Oh god. Why not? - JW

There's a dangerous experiment I'm running based in the kitchen. If I move too much, my temperature will rise and 221B Baker Street will be no more. Bullets please. - SH

Temperature?! Sherlock what the hell are you doing?! - JW

Testing the heat resistance of your gun and comparing it with another one I've designed based on the users temperature. It's amazing really, the gun fires when the handle grows hot, but only up to 37 degrees. Any higher and it will self-destruct. I need bullets to finish it off. - SH

I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified. Bullets are in the draw below the microwave. - JW

Good. Kitchen. That's helpful. - SH

**-Later-**

You'll be pleased to know the experiment works and 221B remains intact. - SH

Although the oven gloves didn't make it. - SH

I'd rather it be the oven gloves than you, Sherlock. I'll be home in 10 minutes, by the way. Please tell me there's no major mess made in the kitchen? - JW

Depends what you determine 'major mess' as, John. - SH

Oh god... - JW

I can see the floor if that helps. - SH

Some of it, anyway. - SH


	36. Groceries

_**36. Groceries**_

* * *

Are you still busy with that cell identification? I've just arrived at the store and realised I've left my list at home. Can you text me what was on it please, Sherlock? - JW

Of course, John. It would be my pleasure. - SH

I can't tell if that's sarcastic or not... - JW

1. Milk (predictable)  
2. Bread (ugh, more?)  
3. Fruit (dull)  
4. Chilli packet mix (Again?!)  
5. Ice cubes (are you really too lazy to make your own, John?)  
6. Loo roll (meh...)  
7. Cigarettes for Sherlock  
8. Skull polish (I'm pretty sure it exists, check the back aisles)  
9. Shoe laces (essential, but they MUST be green ones)  
10. Many, many candles. (also essential)  
11. Duct tape  
12. Mentos (or likewise mints)  
13. Diet coke (or likewise cola)  
14. Vinegar (preferably malt)  
15. Bicarbonate of Soda (baking powder in your terms, John)  
16. Seventeen sticky plasters  
17. Dark chocolate (very important)  
18. Cream (preferably whipped)  
19. Marshmallows (preferably miniature ones)  
20. Shampoo (i noticed we'd run out)  
That is all. - SH

Okay, Sherlock. Seeing as I KNOW for a FACT that my list only contained 6 items...I'll go through your version and make you aware of the changes I shall be making, shall I?  
1. Yes, milk is always important therefore I buy it regularly.  
2. Bread. See the above.  
3. Fruit is healthy, Sherlock.  
4. Yes, again. It's easy to cook last minute and fills us both up well. I like it.  
5. Yes. I am.  
6. We've run out. Any other suggestions?  
7. NO.  
8. It doesn't.  
9. If you say so.  
10. You can have FOUR.  
11. I would ask what for, but I'm fearful of the answer.  
12. If I must.  
13. Fine. BUT NOT TO BE COMBINED WITH THE ABOVE.  
14. Got it in the cupboard already. You'd know that if you got off your arse for once.  
15. Absolutely not. We've no need for it and I don't trust you not to combine it with the above. Ask Mrs H if you need it that desperately.  
16. Exactly seventeen?  
17. Sounds good.  
18. Also sounds good, especially combined with the above.  
19. Are we making hot chocolate or something?  
20. Any particular kind?  
- JW

I really don't appreciate it when you change my plans for me, John. Some of these items are indeed essential for several equally important reasons. - SH

Then why don't you shop for yourself once in a while? Get your own candles and skull polish next time.  
And that's an order. ;) - JW

It is, is it? Hmm...  
No, we're not making hot chocolate, in response to your question, John. - SH

Oh? Now I'm intrigued. - JW

You should be. It means my plan has begun to work, and seems as though I will receive the results I expected. - SH

Plan? - JW

Hush. You'll find out in due course. All in good time, my dear Watson. - SH


	37. Photo (Part 2)

_**37. Photo (Part 2) **_

**_Note: Some people have expressed their want for some of the previous chapter to have 'part 2's' to them. I am more than happy to do this if anyone wishes to ask for them! Just drop me PM or a review stating which one you'd like to see a second part of and I'll get right on it! =) _**

**_As always, thank you all for reading these and enjoying them so much. It really does make me so happy! _**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

[image.x] - SH

Sherlock? What is this? - JW

A photo, John. Of me. - SH

Well, yes. I can see that. The reason for it? - JW

Didn't you want one? I recall a conversation a while ago in which you stated you would get your 'revenge' for the photo incident on your blog. I'm giving you one seeing as you found yourself incapable of getting one on your own. - SH

Oh, thank you so much Sherlock. Your awareness to my incapababilites really makes me feel so special. Thank you. - JW

Sarcasm is by the far the lowest form of wit, John. - SH

Sherlock. The whole point of this photo thing was for me to get one myself. Just because I haven't yet doesn't mean I've given up or that I'm 'incapable'. - JW

So what you're saying is you're still in the process of getting one? - SH

Actually, no. I have got one. As a matter of fact I got one this morning. Want to see? - JW

... - SH

[image.x] I rather like it actually. ;) - JW

John! That is NOT going on your blog! - SH

Why not? I see no problem with it at all! - JW

This is why I don't let you in the bathroom while I'm in the shower! - SH

My toothbrush was in there! I saw the opportunity for my 'revenge' and I took it. And we both know that's a lie. - JW

What's a lie? - SH

You not letting me in the bathroom while you're in the shower. - JW

That's the truth, John! - SH

Well then, you forgot the exception. I'm not allowed in the bathroom while you're in the shower, but you forgot to mention that I AM allowed in the SHOWER while you're in the shower. ;) - JW

That was once, John. Hardly becomes an exception to a rule if it's happened once. - SH

Shame. I'd quite like it to become an exception... - JW

Of course you would. - SH

Oh, don't pretend you wouldn't! I was there when it happened, Sherlock. I saw your reaction. Unlike you I can't delete things from my brain. That memory of the shared shower is very much still there. - JW

As it is with me, John. You're right, I can delete things from my memory. But not you. - JW

Aw, that's sweet of you, Sherlock...Jesus, are you okay? - JW

Don't be childish, John. It's true and it's not out of choice. It seems I am incapable of deleting you or anything to do with you. - SH

I'm flattered. The Great Sherlock Holmes is capable of figuring out an airline pilot by his left thumb and picking and choosing exactly what memories stay in his mind, except ones concerning me. Any suggestions as to why? - JW

It's not hard, John. I know why. - SH

Go on then. - JW

You really need me to say it? - SH

Really, really. - JW

Because you're my blogger and I'd be lost without you. - SH

So in other words... - JW

Oh for Pete's sakes, John. I love you. It's because I love you. There I said it. Are we happy? - SH

Very much so. And Sherlock? - JW

Yes? Hurry it up I'm about to start a new experiment. - SH

I love you too. - JW


	38. Lords and Rings

_**38. Lords and Rings (for paisley15)**_

_**Note: So I've decided to post two today seeing as it's Easter, I'm feeling generous and because Photo Part 2 got such wonderul feedback! (Also because I can't wait to get to Chapter 40 but that will all become clear once we get there. ;) ) **_

_**Another Note: I had A LOT of fun writing this. Apologies if Sherlock is a bit OOC, but then again he was asked to be 'overly obsessed' so...**_

* * *

Sherlock, what was the name of the wife of Graves? Lestrade needs it, she could be of use after all. - JW

Galadriel. - SH

What? Galadriel Graves? - JW

Yes, John. Galadriel. - SH

Isn't that the name of the elven princess in The Lord of The Rings? - JW

Is it? I hadn't noticed. - SH

I knew it. I knew I'd regret it. - JW

Regret what? - SH

Getting you into a fandom. - JW

A fandom? - SH

Yes, Sherlock. A group of people equally obsessed with a certain film franchise, tv show, book series, band, celebrity etc. - JW

Oh. So I'm a part of the LoTR fandom then? - SH

The fact you've abbreviated it is enough proof. - JW

Ah, I see. Well, I rather enjoy the newest movie too. 'The Hobbit'. And it's providing a distraction from my boredom. Do you have the books too, John? - SH

I think so. And that's a good thing, Mrs Hudson will be pleased. I have to praise you for not taking it out on the wall like usual. - JW

Thank you, Mr Baggins. - SH

Mr Baggins? What? - JW

Oh nothing, John. I just realised how much you look like the actor who plays Bilbo Baggins. - SH

...I suppose I see similarities... - JW

Oh, don't be offended John. I think he's quite cute. - SH

Cute? I don't have competition do I? - JW

All you have to do it grow your hair a little longer and you'll practically be the same person, John! And no, there's no real competition. My blogger. My doctor. My John. Always. - SH

Not going to happen. And that's good, because you're my detective. My smart-arse. My annoying dick. Yes? ;) - JW

I wouldn't label your genitalia as 'annoying', John. - SH

No, it's not...Sherlock. Never mind. I'll find those books for you when I get in. So, the name of Graves' wife? Lestrade's growing impatient. - JW

When is he not impatient? He can be an annoying little cretin sometimes can't he? I should nickname him 'Gollum'. Her name is Annabella. - SH

Don't insult Gollum, Sherlock! - JW

I knew you were as equally obsessed as me, John. We shall have a LoTR marathon when you get in, yes? - SH

If you insist. - JW

I do. Very much so. - SH

As long as you don't take up the entire sofa again, Sherlock. - JW

I promise not to. Although, both of us fit nicely if we work it out correctly. - SH

You're suggesting cuddling aren't you? Haha. You daft man. You don't have to word it so fancily, Sherlock. In fact, you don't even have to say anything. It's like kissing. You just do it. - JW

Fine. I'll take note of this new information, John. But don't say I didn't warn you. You may grow to regret telling me I can kiss you without telling you first. ;) - SH

You learnt how to do a smiley! - JW

Yes, Bagginses. We did. Are you impressed with us, Bagginses? - SH

... I may grow to regret a lot of things. - JW


	39. Kittens

_**39. Kittens (for GlitterEwookie)**_

* * *

John! John what are these?! Help, John! They're meowing. I don't like it. Get rid of them, John! - SH

Sherlock, calm down. They're kittens. Baby cats, they're not going to harm you unless you provoke them...oh Christ of course you'll provoke them, you're bloody Sherlock Holmes. Right, okay. Just leave them alone and they'll ignore you. - JW

Why are they here, John? Ah! One just rubbed it's head against my ankle, John! John! - SH

Stop panicking, Sherlock! They're relatively harmless. You'll be fine. I'm looking after them for Lestrade, he bought them for the boys at Christmas and they've gone on holiday this week. I offered to keep the kittens for him while he was away. - JW

How could Lestrade do that? - SH

Don't worry, Sherlock. Dimmock's taken his place while he's gone. Whether you'll get offered cases or not is another thing... - JW

No, John. How could Lestrade force these...things upon you? Upon me! - SH

Sherlock, shut up. They're just babies. I'll be home in less than an hour anyway. - JW

Fine, fine. But don't blame me if one goes missing. They'd make perfect experimental subjects. - SH

Sherlock! - JW


	40. Tattoo

_**40. Tattoo (for Danni's Infinite Thoughts) **_

_**Note: Sorry it took me so long to get round to your prompt, Danni. I received it and straight away decided it should be the next full-length one, it just suited a fully written one more than a text message conversation. **_

_**Another Note: I'm actually pretty pleased with how this one turned out. Hope you like it! Oh, and you know in the summary I said that if Johnlock isn't your cup of tea then don't drink it? Well 'not drinking it' would be 'skipping this chapter' if you get my drift. Thanks! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

John shrugged his shirt back over his shoulders, sitting on the edge of the bed. He frowned through his foggy consciousness of having just woken up. Hearing a shuffle behind him he turned to see Sherlock shifting in his sleep.

He smiled. A sleepy Sherlock was definitely a sight to behold.

Turning back to fiddle with his shirt buttons, a thought suddenly popped into John's head and he frowned once again, his hands dropping and leaving his buttons alone, pursing his lips in thought.

_Wasn't Sherlock in the middle of a case? How had he allowed last night to happen?_

Normally nothing intimate happened between them while Sherlock was busy with a case. The detective had explained that it 'clogged his hard-drive with sentiment' and 'disallowed him to get to the stuff that mattered'.

John was about to turn back and ask the detective when he felt his sleeve be tugged off his shoulder and a soft, warm pressure on his upper arm. Sherlock had scuffled over to his side of the bed, removed his shirt and pressed a kiss to his medical crest tattoo.

'Sherlock?' John didn't fix his shirt.

'Hmm?' Sherlock was still foggy-minded. It wasn't often he slept as it was. And that, combined with post-coital slumber, had left him more morning-groggy than John.

'What happened, last night? You're on a case.' John turned to face the younger man and nearly forgot what he was asking. Sherlock's face was gentle, his cheeks slightly reddenned from sleep and his glistening eyes bluer than ever.

'I missed you. I've been on several cases for the past week, disallowing any interaction with you of any kind.' Sherlock's voice was throaty and croaky from slumber, he rubbed his eye with a closed fist and made to side up straighter, wrapping his slender arms around John's clothed middle and resting his chin on the doctor's shoulder. He let his eyelids fall closed again but still listened.

'In that case, can't you just scrap the whole 'not on a case' rule? Or did this provide the confirmation that it does make you're brian too 'clogged'?' John asked, secretly hoping the rule could be scrapped. It was alright for Sherlock, his mind was always active either with a case or with John. But John just had to deal with regular bouts of no sex. Which irritated him.

'I'm not really sure, John.' Sherlock's voice was still slightly croaky from sleep and he sounded utterly exhausted.

John decided to give in and didn't press it further.

After a few seconds of silence, Sherlock lifted his head off the blogger's shoulder and moved to kiss his upper arm again.

'Why do you do that?' John asked, moving his shirt back over his shoulder again, earning a quizzical look from the detective. 'Every morning, you kiss my arm like that.'

'No I don't.' Sherlock quipped. 'I kiss your tattoo.'

'My tattoo? Why kiss my tattoo?'

Sherlock stood up and reached for his blue dressing gown, shrugging his arms into it and over his shoulders in one practiced move. 'Because I like it.'

John cracked a small smile at this. It was sweet of Sherlock to have found a liking of something and not pronounced it to John like he did with most things.

_'It's wonderful, John! How come you haven't introduced me to tortellini before?'_

_'Remarkable! And everyone always does this? This 'embracing' thing? I like it!'_

_'There are really this many different channels? Oh, look! A Crime Drama one!' _

_'John! I've suddenly realised my love for french toast!'_

_'John! Put that evidence bag down and come look at this! Lestrade won't mind, will you Lestrade? I've found a new hobby! Look! If you poke the dead body enough tims, Anderson come running! Watch!' _

John chuckled. It was adorable for Sherlock to have kept this one to himself. Like a little secret of his own. John chuckled again and Sherlock cocked his head, deducing him with a puzzled frown.

'What's so funny?'

John stood, leaving his shirt undone and walking over to Sherlock. He lifted a hand and folded a stray curl up off of the detective's forehead.

'Nothing, just you.'

Sherlock dipped his head and caught John's lips. 'I'm sorry for prioritising cases over you. If it's any cancellation, it _is_ something I don't like about them.'

'The Great Sherlock Holmes doesn't like cases?' John gave a mock tone of surprise.

'Not over shagging my boyfriend, no.' John laughed lightly at first but Sherlock kept a straight face and John had no choice but to believe him. He gripped the back of Sherlock's head and pulled him down to his lips again.

'Why do you like my tattoo so much?' John enquired after pulling away.

'Because it is a symbol of what you've done, what happened to you, what you've achieved and what you should be proud of.' Sherlock answered straight away.

'Hardly something to be proud of, Sherlock... I got shot.'

Sherlock gave John that same stern, insistent look he'd given him at the fake drugs bust in their first few days of knowing each other. His blue-green eyes pouring into John's sapphires, insistent and completely serious. 'You're wrong. I'm proud of you, and so should you be.'

'You're proud of me?' John half-smiled up at his detective.

'Of course.'

'But you didn't know me back then.'

'I know you now. That's enough isn't it?'

John smiled fully then, his eyes dancing with contentment and he reached up to kiss the corner of Sherlock's mouth. The detective released a whimper which turned into a groan and he attacked back dominantly.

Suddenly, just as Sherlock lips had started a soft trail along John's jawline, the detective gasped and stood straight. Then proceeded to bound out of the room, his dark curls bouncing as he did. John frowned, he must have been too absorbed in what they were doing to take notice of whatever it was that had successfully distracted Sherlock.

'New information, John! We're needed-' Sherlock had his mobile clutched to his ear and he fumbled his way through the sliding kitchen doors, dodged the small table of conical flasks and burettes before returning to John's side, 'at the Yard!' The detective proceeded to thrust the phone into John's chest and leaped out of the room once again. 'Ahah! This could be it! The final piece! Come on, John!'

John sighed and was greeted with hearty chuckles from the mobile. He lifted it to his ear, still watching Sherlock run back and forth acroos the lounge, seemingly looking for something.

'Sorry, did I interrupt anything?' Lestrade spoke from the reciever.

'No, no. It's fine. He's over-the-moon now.' John flinched as a loud of smash was heard from the living room.

'Oh God, that wasn't him was it? Look, sorry for interrupting what would have been a peaceful morning, I'm sure. But we just found new evidence concerning the Father. It could make or break this case.' Lestrade explained.

'Alright, no it's fine. I've never seen him so energetic after-...' John cut himself off and cleared his throat. 'Yeah, see you later.' He hung up and rolled his eyes at himself.

'John! Hurry! Do you mind if I took your laptop with me? Can't find mine and I need one to access a database!' Sherlock called from somewhere else in the flat.

John looked behind him at the small table in the corner of the room. Sherlock's laptop sat happy and content and John licked his lower lip with a deep breath.

'John! Come on!'

'Yes, alright. Alright, Sherlock.' John returned to fiddling with his shirt buttons. 'I'm coming!'


	41. Fangirl

_**41. Fangirl (for TheMysteriousGeek2345)**_

_**Note: Again, another one I loved writing. Enjoy!**_

_**Another Note: Sorry if this one gets confusing. It's a three-way text conversation so special attention will need to be paid so you cna follow who's sending what to who. Okay, i've just confused myself...**_

* * *

Hello? Is this the right number? I'm looking for Sherlock Holmes. ~ Molly

Molly? This is Sherlock Holmes. Do you have a suggested case for me? - SH

Sorry? Sherlock, it's me. Molly Hooper. I don't have a case, no. ~ Molly

John. I'm being texted by an imposter claiming to be Molly. - SH

Well how do you know it's not just Molly with a new phone? Just becuase you don't recognise the number doesn't mean it's not Molly, Sherlock. - JW

Yes. I KNOW it's not Molly. Molly signs her texts like this: '- Molly x' and this imposter is signing them '~ Molly'. It doesn't kill to be observant, John. - SH

No, observant doesn't kill. It just injures to the point of impending death. - JW

You're getting too dramatic, John. It really doesn't suit you. What do I do with this imposter? - SH

Confront them. There's no real harm they can cause you over texts is there? - JW

Ah, Molly! Yes, my apologies. I forgot you recently bought a new phone. What was your reason for texting me? - SH

Nothing major, Sherlock. I just realised I'd forgotten to write down some of my old contacts and a friend of mine told me this was your number. So I tested it out. ~ Molly

A friend? Who exactly? - SH

Jim. From I.T, remember? ~ Molly

Jim? I thought he'd resigned. - SH

Oh, no. He came back. We stayed in touch anyway. ~ Molly

Really? Interesting. So, how on earth did you manage to lose your old contacts, Molly? Seems very foolish of you. - SH

Oh yes. Very foolish. I'm normally a lot more organised. ~ Molly

No you're not. - SH

Sorry? ~ Molly

You're normally just as disorganised as you made out to be regarding the contacts a moment ago. Except for the fact that I know you always keep my number written on the inside of your diary incase your phone were to delete it or erase it's hard-drive content. You were afraid to lose my number, probably something to do with sentiment. You are the type to let your heart rule your head after all. So, there was no possible way to 'lose' my number, Molly. Because you memorised it enough to write into your diary and no doubt you use that diary every night therefore reminding yourself of the number sequence regularly, allowing it to become fixed firmly in your memory. There, that's one thing checked off my list. The other is this 'Jim'. The Jim you are referring to as 'still in touch' is in fact Jim Moriarty. He resigned his position in I.T shortly after joining, his only reason for taking the job in the first place was to meet me and leave his number. Moriarty killed himself four years ago and thus cannot have been able to have stayed in touch with you, neither to have 'come back' to work with you. You are an imposter. Please refrain from texting me any further and if you insist on impersonating somebody at least do your research and find out how they sign their texts. Have a ncie day. - SH

Okay, fine. I was posing as Molly Hooper. But it was just to test whether the number was right and that you were really Sherlock Holmes! I'm a huge huge fan of yours and I wanted to see whether you were as good as the papers made you out to be! And just do you know, I never believed you'd actually killed yourself four years ago. A genius such as you would have found a way to stage it. And you did! - fangirl221

Indeed. I suspected as such. You got my number from the website I presume? I really must get John to help me remove it. It's causing way too much chaos than it's worth. Anyone with cases can contact me through John's blog from now on. Thank you for providing me with a reason for removing my number, fangirl221. Is there anything else or can i go now? - SH

You're very welcome, Sherlock! Oh! One more thing! When you wear the Purple Shirt of Sex does it feel like it's about to burst off? It certainly looks like it! And that photo of John asleep that you posted on his blog...(come on I know it was really you) was he actually asleep or had you drugged him? Oh! And does John really have an infatuation with jam, and you with bees? - fangirl221

That was a lot more than 'one more thing'. What shirt are you referring to? I only own one purple shirt and I'm pretty sure that isn't the brand name... The photo of John is of him asleep, yes. Why on earth would I drug him just to take a photo? And yes, John likes jam and no, I am not 'infatuated' with bees. Bizarre questions... Are we done now? - SH

Eep! Thank you for answering, Sherlock! :D Yes, I'll leave you alone. For now. ;) xx - fangirl221

That was tedious. - SH

What was? Did you actually talk to them? What did they say? Who was it? - JW

Good God, John. Do stop asking questions. I feel as though I've just returned from a quiz show as it is... Even through texts you're giving me a headache. - SH

I'll give you a massage when I get in. Are we all out of painkillers? I'll pick some up if we are. - JW

I don't need painkillers, John. I need you. Get home quickly. - SH

I'd love to, Sherlock but I still have three more patients to see. - JW

Oh, just palm them off onto Sarah again. I need you, John. Desperately. - SH

It's done. I'll be home in 10. - JW


	42. Rivalry

_**42. Rivalry**_

* * *

Sherlock. I've been meaning to talk to you for some time. Are you terribly busy? - MH

Always. I'm always busy. How was the dental appointment? - SH

Oh please, I know you're far better than that. - MH

Root canal. Painful? Probably. What do you want? - SH

I 'want' nothing. I need a word. - MH

Well? Like I said, I am busy. - SH

Fixing John's jumpers into an index by prominent colour is not 'busy', Sherlock. - MH

Mycroft. Please refrain from interfering in mine and John's private lives. It grows annoying very quickly. - SH

Actually, the subject of which I am wishing to speak is in fact your 'flatmate', Sherlock. How are things lately? - MH

Fine. He is fine. I am fine. We are fine. The flat is fine. Mrs Hudson's fine. - SH

Okay, so we've established we're all fine. I was hoping you'd elaborate, brother. - MH

Elaboarte on what? - SH

The finer details of your relationship with Dr Watson. I'm your brother, your only brother, and I feel it is my place to know a certain level of details. - MH

You do, do you? Why's that then? Nothing on television? Anthea sneak out with that 'Paul' again? Or is it that you're really as meddling as you make out? - SH

Oh do stop insulting me, Sherlock. It really doesn't show any kind of argumental strength, throwing mindless insults. I was simply enquiring as to your relationship status with Dr Watson. - MH

You know our 'status', Mycoft. You practically ARE the British Government. Why are you insisting on squeezing information out of me that you already know? - SH

Because you posed a question in my mind ever since the Irene Adler case. When we were at Buckingham Palace, after I'd finally managed to persuade you to put your clothes on that is, you said, and I quote, 'Sex doesn't alarm me.' - MH

What question has it posed, dear brother of mine. I'll be happy to answer it. - SH

Well I replied back with, 'How would you know?' and John's reaction startled me somewhat. He seemed almost amused. - MH

Your question, Mycroft? - SH

Well, does it? - MH

Does. What? - SH

Does sex alarm you, little brother. I'm intrigued. John's reaction certainly did cause me to - MH

No. It doesn't. I said that, and it was the truth. - SH

Really? And how WOULD you know? - MH

I really don't see this as any of your business, brother or not, Mycroft. In fact, it's a little bit odd that you're asking at all, don't you think? If you really wish to pry into my sex-life then by all means, set up your little cameras and make your little deductions. But don't come crying to me when you find out your results, I garuantee you a few anomalies. - SH

Thank you ever so much, Sherlock. Your answer had been noted and is being filed as we speak. Goodbye. - MH

Oh! Lestrade was asking today whether you'd lost your phone! He said you never texted him back the other day. Seemed terribly worried. Then again, I suppose that's what happens to people who let sentiment cloud their vision. I do hope you'll be happy together. Are we to expect a happy announcement by the end of the week? - SH

Goodbye, Mycroft. - SH


	43. Cold Turkey

_**43. Cold Turkey**_

* * *

BORED. - SH

BBOORREEDD. - SH

BBBOOORRREEEDDD. - SH

Bloody hell, Sherlock. I'm in a meeting! Stop texting me! My phone keeps beeping and I'm getting strange looks. Do you want me fired? - JW

Put your phone on silent then, John. And yes, I do want you fired. It means you'll be home more often to cure my boredom. - SH

It also means less money, Sherlock. Believe me, if I could find a way to get paid for curing your boredom, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I believe it's called 'killing two birds with one stone'. - JW

Is the meeting over yet? - SH

Almost. 10 minutes left, we're just summing up. - JW

BORED. - SH

Okay, Sherlock. I understand that you're bored. But there's very little I can do right now. - JW

Well, you could excuse yourself, get a cab, come home and kiss me seeing as you didn't before you left this morning. - SH

Didn't I? I must have been too busy thinking about this god-awful meeting. I apologise, Sherlock, for not kissing you goodbye. I'll make up for it in 'hello' kisses when I get in. 5 minutes until I can leave. - JW

No. - SH

No? No, what? - JW

No. 'Hello' kisses won't suffice, John. I've gone all day without one kiss. This is so much worse than going cold turkey. You can imagine the pain I'm in, I'm sure. - SH

Very well. I'll make it up to you in other ways if kisses won't suffice. Have you eaten anything today? - JW

I had a muffin with Mrs Hudson at lunch time. Why? - SH

Eat something else, Sherlock. You'll need your energy up if i'm to make it up to you 'sufficiently'. - JW

Don't try and be kinky, John. I'm fine. Or at least I WILL be if you JUST GET HOME. - SH

Alright, alright Captain Capitals. I'm on my way. See you shortly. - JW

Waiting patiently. - SH

Pfft, no you're not. - JW

No, I'm not. John. Never forget to kiss me again. Else I will personally follow you to work and make sure everyone witnesses that you forgot, okay? - SH

Oh God...can't this cab go any bloody faster?! - JW

;) See you soon, John. - SH


	44. Groceries (Part 2)

_**44. Groceries (Part 2)**_

* * *

There's still some of that chocolate left in the cupboard, can I finish it or is it needed? - JW

NO. DO NOT TOUCH THE CHOCOLATE. - SH

Jesus. I've had girlfriends less possessive than you, Sherlock. Fine, I'll leave it there. What do you need it for? - JW

I just need it, ok? End of. - SH

Is the Lawder case getting to you? Why don't you come home and give the DNA matching a break for today? There's cream and marshmallows left too, I'll make you a hot chocolate. - JW

You're such a Mother Hen, John. I need the cream and marshmallows too. Don't touch. - SH

Well can you use them quickly? They're taunting me from the cupboard. - JW

Oh, man up a bit, John. You'll become like Mycroft if you keep giving in. - SH

So, what are the chocolate etc for? Or is it a secret? - JW

It's a secret. If you want me to use them quickly then you'll have to answer me one question. - SH

What question? - JW

When are you next on a nightshift? - SH

Tonight and tomorrow but the day after that I'm off. Why? - JW

Well, it seems you'll only have to endure their presence in the cupboard for two more days, John. - SH

... Am I supposed to be utterly clueless? Because I am. - JW

Clueless is good. It means your reaction will be all the more interesting. - SH

Reaction? Sherlock, what are you planning? - JW

Well, use your deduction skills, John. Why would i need those three items specifically, during a night, involving you? It's really quite simple to work out. - SH

If it's what I think it is then I have one thing to say, Sherlock. - JW

What's that? - SH

I've decided to take tonight off. - JW

Excellent. - SH


	45. Ensemble

_**45. Ensemble**_

_**Note: I can't believe I've recieved over 200 reviews for this! It makes me so happy to know my writing is enjoyed by you all! As a Thank You gift, I have uploaded a seperate oneshot titled 'Gentle' (crappy title I know) which I sincerely hope you all enjoy just as much! Thank you again! **_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Oh, I forgot to tell you before you left this morning. I heard you singing in the shower. - SH

Did you? Why did you need to tell me that? - JW

No real reason. Have you ever considered joining me and creating a violin/vocal ensemble? - SH

You're having me on right? That's GOT to be sarcasm. I sing like a walrus, Sherlock. - JW

A starving walrus, John. Or at least one that's in a great deal of pain. - SH

Thanks. - JW

Don't mention it. - SH

I take it we're sticking with Doctor and Detective then? - JW

... - SH

Sorry, my mistake. Detective and Doctor. - JW

The perfect ensemble. - SH


	46. Kittens (Part 2)

_**46. Kittens (Part 2) (for starrysummernights and GirlWithOceanEyes) **_

_**Note: Sorry for Sherlock's extensive use of smileys so far...it's a new skill he's learnt and he wants to use it wherever he can! Let the poor man be. Bless him.** _

* * *

Sherlock. Lestrade's taking the kittens back today. Do you have any idea where the other black one went? I have the tabby and one black one, but the other black one is missing. Did you scare it under the sofa? - JW

No, John. It's here with me. - SH

You took a bloody kitten to a hospital?! - JW

Problem? - SH

Yes, problem! You'd better not be performing any kind of experiment on it, Sherlock. I'm coming to get it. - JW

I'm doing nothing of the sort, John. It's simply sitting on my lap while I work. - SH

Poor thing, it must be terrified. Why did you even take it, Sherlock? - JW

It doesn't seem terrified at all, in fact it just climbed up onto my head. - SH

How on earth did you suddenly become 'not-scared' of them? You were panicking like a little girl last week! - JW

Yes, well. We never had pets when I was younger. I had yet to grow accustomed to the creatures. And now I realise how cute they are. - SH

Sherlock Holmes thinks something is 'cute'? Jesus... - JW

Hardly a miraculous new discovery. I think you're cute, John. - SH

What? Do you? What makes me cute? - JW

Everything. But mainly your nose and the way you clench your jaw when you're angry with me. - SH

That's cute is it? Right, whatever floats your boat I suppose... I'm nearly there now. - JW

Don't worry, little John is just fine. - SH

'Little John'? Why must you keep naming your pets after me? First that bloody hamster and now this? - JW

Because they're cute and so are you. Simple comparison to make. Hardly a real brain-scoulder. - SH

Are you in the lab? - JW

Yes, careful you don't startle it when you come in. I'm dealing with highly corrosive acids here and don't want Little John getting hurt. - SH

I thought you weren't experimenting on it, Sherlock! - JW

I'm not! Just...near it. - SH

... - JW

John? - SH

I'm about to become real bloody 'cute', Sherlock... - JW

:) - SH


	47. Hickey (Part 2)

**_47. Hickey (Part 2) _**

* * *

You bastard. - SH

Me? What did I do? ;) - JW

You know very well what you did, Dr Watson. And so does the entire people-content of this room! If I weren't so conscious of the blazing marks on my neck I'd be saying this aloud. Why didn't you tell me before we left that they were this visible? - SH

I forgot? And to be honest I thought you'd notice anyway and just keep your scarf on. But come on, I'm rather proud of my handiwork. They're almost perfectly symmetrical! - JW

Oh please, John. You know how I never wake up until we get outside in the mornings. It was your duty to inform me of these bright purple lesions before we left the flat and I ended up with the whole of New Scotland Yard giving me odd looks. - SH

I wouldn't say the WHOLE of New Scotland Yard... Just the murder and out-cases department. ;) - JW

Stop winking at me! - SH

Or what? ;) - JW

Or I'll get you back for this. And I mean it. - SH

You can't. This was my revenge for the scarf incident. No 'getting back' to be done. We're even. - JW

Oh I can easily find a flaw in that agreement. And you know it. - SH

You just want to give me more hickeys don't you? I feel a war coming on. ;) - JW

Right! That's it, Dr Watson! Consider yourself in the firing line! I'm scheming as we speak. - SH

Can't wait. ;) ;) ;) ;) - JW


	48. Obvious

**_48. Obvious (for madbuffalo)_**

* * *

What time will you get home tonight? - JW

Most likely after you, John. I still have a few toe-nail clippings to examine here. Why'd you ask? - SH

No reason. I was just wondering. How is the Oden case going? Any further signs it could be the tutor? - JW

His semen remaints were left on her clothing, John. I don't need his toenail clippings to decipher that it was in fact the tutor who raped Miss Oden. No, these clippings are to decipher whether he was wearing any shoes at the time. - SH

Oh right...and how can you tell that from just clippings? - JW

Pressure marks, John. Kingsley is a tutor, he can't afford new shoes every time an old pair break or get too small. Not with his level of pay and certainly not with his online bingo addiction. Thus the shoes he would've been wearing at the time of her rape would've more than likely been too small. If he was wearing any at all that is... There are slight pressure marks on the nails, specifically the two outer toenails on each foot, and also traces of infection where they had more than likely started to grow into his skin. - SH

So, if you already know it definitely was Kingsley who raped Anna Oden...Why test his toenails? - JW

Good God, John. Must you really ask so many mundane questions? I've been reliably informed, by none other than yourself, I get 'cranky' when deep within a case such as this. Why, then, after making such an observation, must you continue to fire me with questions? - SH

Cranky? No shit, Sherlock. Ever wonder why I try and steer clear of the lab when you're like this? And it's not with EVERY case. Just the ones that seem unusual or abnormal. - JW

Which is a majority of the cases I am willing to take. The reason for my testing the clippings, John, is to see whether he was wearing any shoes. If he was, the case is closed, he is the confirmed rapist and Anna Oden can rest easy. If, however, he was not wearing shoes, the case is very much open and I would then wish to speak to Miss Oden in person. - SH

What for? - JW

Isn't it obvious John? If he wasn't wearing shoes it would imply time of the removal of them to have been given. This tells me that it wasn't a quick attack as Miss Oden suggested, but a sexual fling that she is ashamed of now that it has been shone on with a rather bright spotlight. Possibly because of the awkward situation it would put Kingsley and herself in during future tutoring sessions, more likely because of the impression it will have given both her parents on her sexual activities. She is after all a sixteen year old girl. She felt ashamed and humiliated, begged her parents to believe that it was actually rape, and now her father has brought it to me. Well, he brought it to The Yard but Lestrade contacted me knowing I was bored and I luckily spotted something odd about it all. Why would a rapist take off his shoes? - SH

I see. So was he? Wearing any shoes? - JW

Yes he was. - SH

So? It WAS rape then? - JW

Yes. The case is closed. I'll just ask Molly to keep these clippings to one side should I need them again. I'll leave in 5 minutes or so. Possibly longer, she likes to talk does Molly. See you soon, John. - SH

I know she does, Sherlock. With you, anyway. See you later. - JW

Why specifically with me, John? - SH

'Isn't it obvious', Sherlock? ;) Never mind. Stop texting me now, I need to finish these last two patients and then I can leave. - JW

Of course it's obvious, John. You think I'm blind? No. I know perfectly well why she talks to me so often. I'm obviously the only decent person she knows. All the other hospital workers she 'mingles' with are morons. Although, her admiration of me is odd... Still, I can often use it to my advantage.- SH

Yes, that's exactly it Sherlock. - JW


	49. Broken Phone

_**49. Broken Phone (for Chezza456)** _

**_Note: I actually really enjoyed this one too! However, leaving all my e's out of John's texts was tricky to keep up! Sorry if one or two managed to sneak past me! _**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

Shrlock. I'v droppd my phon and now th damn button for '' won't work... - JW

The what button? ;) - SH

Shut up! It must b th scrn. Mayb th LD filtr bhind it has bn damagd. - JW

It's not that bad, John. It's only the most-used letter in the English alphabet. Your texts still make perfect sense, don't worry. - SH

Sarcasm dosn't suit you, Shrlock. - JW

You sound like you're drunk, John. - SH

At last whn I'm 'drunk' I only miss out my ''s. Not lik somon I know who gts a rathr amusing lisp. ;) - JW

Oh, shut up. You've only seen me drunk once, John. Hardly enough evidence to provide a reliable conclusion. It may well have been a fluke for all you know. - SH

And was it a fluk thn, Shrlock? ;) - JW

... - SH

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - SH

Bastard. Stop flaunting your capabilits at m. - JW

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - SH

... - JW

Look! I can even do capitals! EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe! - SH

I'll stop spaking to you if you carry on. - JW

Oh no! How ever will I cope without you spaking to me, John? ;) - SH

What's put you in such a playful mood? - JW

Your misfortune, I believe. - SH

Lovly... - JW


	50. Cold Turkey (Part 2)

**_50. Cold Turkey (Part 2) (for Chezza456)_**

**_Note: Yeah so this turned out a tiny bit more...angsty than I'd originally planned. It's not angsty loads, but yeah it's not what I had envisioned. Still! It works right? Haha =)_**

**_Another Note: If any facts displayed in this fanfiction are in any way incorrect or invalid then it is the fault of the original sources. (My English teacher) Haha. _**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

Sherlock tapped his fingers on the arm of the sofa, one hand propped under his chin. His patience was wearing thin but at the same time his amusement was growing. He had to fight to stop his mouth twitching into a smile.

'Right, phone, keys, those files for Sarah, money for lunch. Sorted.' John was flitting about the flat trying to get ready for work. With, as usual, very little help from his flatmate.

'All set?' Sherlock stood and flashed him a grin.

'Yeah, I think so. Oh! No, I need the...thing.' John raced back into the bedroom and Sherlock rolled his eyes lightly. The blogger really was a scatterbrain when his mind was heavily occupied. He needed to learn how to sort his thoughts into files and folders. Much easier.

_Perhaps I should teach him how to use the Mind Palace?_

'Right, Sherlock I'll be back at around 5ish, yeah?' John re-emerged from the bedroom and stopped in the kitchen, jacket tucked over his arm, keys and phone clutched in one hand and a large green folder in the other. His tie was already crooked and Sherlock was about to go over and fix it but remembered what he was trying to avoid happening and stayed where he was.

'Of course, John. Have a good day.' Sherlock waved a dismissive hand without looking at the doctor and sat back down. He propped John's laptop on his lap and started typing, seemingly unphased by John's oncoming absence.

'Is that my laptop again?'

'Yes it is. Problem?' Sherlock still didn't look at John, but had to fight hard from smiling in amusement.

_He's going to forget again. _

'Nope, course not. Used to it by know. See you later then?' John wondered why Sherlock was in such an 'off' mood this morning.

'Later.' Sherlock quipped and still did not make eye contact.

John nodded once and frowned a little. Then his eyes widened as if in rememberance and he darted out of the flat.

Sherlock waited for the adequate amount of time to pass for the blogger to leave the building before leaping up, letting the laptop fall to his side and land on the sofa behind him. He dashed across the room and grabbed his coat and scarf.

_He forgot._ _Perfect._

* * *

'John. There's a case. I need your help at the crime scene. Lestrade has asked for us both specifically. Morning, Sarah.' Sherlock burst into the clinic waiting room having spotted John stood at the reception desk with the same green file from this morning.

'Oh. Any reason for us both being needed?' John asked and his eyes locked with the detectives.

'None.' Sherlock answered shortly before directing his attention to Sarah. 'Can he leave for a few hours?'

'Erm, yes. It's pretty quiet here today, shouldn't be too much of a hardship.' She smiled up at John from behind the desk and Sherlock's jaw clenched tightly.

'Right. Well then, come along. It's a suspected murder.' Sherlock nodded for John to join him and the doctor put the file down.

'Aren't they all?' He grabbed his coat from a hook on the wall and half-jogged over to the consulting detective.

'It would seem. Although this one seems linked to Mrs Rutter's case last week. Or 'The Purple Jukebox' as you so wonderfully named it.' Sherlock darted across the corridor and out of the door before John could respond.

'You didn't like that title?' John managed once he'd caught up with Sherlock outside. The taller man's strides were always a lot larger than his own when he was interested in a case. Still, it kept John's fitness well-attended to.

Sherlock didn't answer, he hailed a cab and quickly climbed in. John rolled his eyes and followed.

* * *

'So, we've got Ms Kirkby, Scottish woman aged 68. She's got two sons, both over 20, both currently living overseas. She was recently seen with a middle-aged male walking a dog, found dead today at 3:30 this afternoon. No one heard any strange noises or evidence of argumentative behaviour coming from the building, we've got one witness across the road, says she saw Ms Kirkby conversing with the middle-aged man before letting him inside the house.' Lestrade explained as Sherlock and John entered the terraced London home.

'The witness, was she an old lady?' Sherlock waited for Lestrade's nod and grinned. 'Love those. Any signs of his escape?' Sherlock asked as he was shown into the room that contained Ms Kirkby. She was slumped in a chair, face and arms pressed against the kitchen table. Sherlock pulled on some gloves and began looking around the kitchen worktops as John examined the body and Lestrade continued to explain.

'None whatsoever. He must have had a key.' Lestrade shrugged. 'That is if it was him that killed her.'

'Of course it was him, a middle-aged man wouldn't walk a dog with a woman of 68 unless they were related or he was interested in her money.' Anderson quipped as he leant against the doorframe of the backdoor.

'And you would know would you, Anderson? What's that, thanks to experience?' Sherlock remarked and continued swiping his finger along the sink's edge.

'Oi, who agreed we were bringing the Freak in here? No one mentioned anything.' Sally Donovan pointed at Sherlock and crossed her arms.

'I'll have to re-decontaminate.' Anderson chipped in and Donovan shot him an annoyed glare.

'Alright, thank you. I asked for them both. I needed Sherlock because...well there's a...some sort of message. Upstairs.' Sherlock's eyes darted upwards and he rose from the sink.

'Upstairs?' He turned to Lestrade and rubbed his thumb and forefinger together. 'Show me.'

* * *

'Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori. Any guesses?' Lestrade read out. It was written, in what seemed to be toothpaste, on the dressing mirror in Ms Kirkby's bedroom.

'It's Latin.' John answered.

Sherlock hid a smile and glanced sideways at his blogger.

'Latin?' Anderson asked having followed them upstairs.

'What's it Latin for?' Donovan joined in.

John paused, swallowing hard and clenching and unclenching his left fist.

'Go on, John.' Sherlock sounded stern but a hand on John's shoulder told John he was supporting him. Of course the genius already knew what the latin translated to.

John swallowed again, with the reassurance of Sherlock's hand, he translated the saying.

'It is sweet...and fitting to...die for one's country.' John struggled but managed without too much hesitation.

'Which means?' Anderson asked. Sherlock rolled his eyes but knew what John must be going through having read the saying on the mirror and being made to translate it too. He decided to leave his Anderson-insults for the while.

'It means, that there is no greater honour than the honour of dying for your country. It is also the title of a World War One poem. Written by Wilfred Owen, a World War One soldier himself, his poem speaks of the cruel reality of fighting on the front line and he does so through the use of extensive and graphic adjective devices. It's more of a laugh towards those at the time who believed war to be nothing but a game. The war forced him to face a conflict between his Christian beliefs and his role as a soldier. "I am more and more a Christian," he wrote to his mother in May 1917. "Suffer dishonour and disgrace, but never resort to arms. Be bullied, be outraged, be killed: but do not kill". Soon after, Owen was invalided out of active duty. Suffering from shell-shock and fever,' Sherlock paused and his hand at John's shoudler squeezed as he touched the sensitive topic. 'and wrestling with his moral dilemmas, he was sent to recuperate at Craiglockart, a war hospital near Edinburgh. There he met the poet Siegfried Sassoon, who encouraged him to develop his war poetry.'

'Quite the poet fanatic, Freak?' Donovan snorted but Sherlock's face stayed straight and his eyes flicked to John to find the smaller man to be staring up at him.

'How _do_ you know all that?' John asked, his eyes filled with something...disbelieving.

Sherlock shrugged. 'I take an interest in things concerning people I care about. However, with the number of people I care about being so small...I take a very big interest.'

Before John had time to respond, Sherlock bent his head and kissed the blogger. It wasn't the type of kiss he'd planned, quick, passionate and to get John back for forgetting this morning. It was one filled with a kind of softness that the detective didn't even know he was capable of achieving. A couple of gasps were heard from around them but Sherlock didn't care. He was even certain that even if John had remembered to kiss him this morning, this kiss would've still very much happened. He felt bad for the position John had suddenly been put in, facing his hellish past and watching it collide with his present like that. And having to face it in front of such people. He kissed his blogger, a hand at the back of his neck and another latched onto his coat and pulling him closer. John had been surprised at first, most likely because of the suddenness and the fact they were in front of people. But he'd eventually started kissing back and Sherlock had smiled against his lips when he did so.

When John pulled away, he prepared himself to have to awkwardly explain the situation to Anderson, Donovan and Lestrade. But the room was empty.

Sherlock stood straight with a slightly confused frown. Then his eyebrows fell in realisation when he looked at the mirror.

The toothpasty message had been smudged and strewn so it was no longer legible, most likely by Lestrade. No doubt it was Lestrade's decision for them to leave the room too. Sherlock's eyes focussed past the smears and onto his and John's reflections behind them. They were stood exactly in line of the mirror and for the first time Sherlock realised how oddly perfect they looked beside each other.

_A good coat and a short friend._

Sherlock let out a chuckle and saw John's confused expression in the mirror. Just as the blogger opened his mouth to ask what was funny, Sherlock turned and gripped him by the coat again and crushing their lips together in one swift move.

'Shut up.'


	51. Tattoo (Part 2)

_**51. Tattoo (Part 2) (for TheMysteriousGeek2345)** _

* * *

John! [image.x] - SH

Oh my god, Sherlock! What is that? Is that yours? How the hell? - JW

It's a tattoo, John. Do you like it? I thought 'Blogger' was apt because it is in a typed font. The same one you use to write up our cases, I believe. - SH

You... - JW

What, John? - SH

You said 'our' cases... - JW

Well, yes. They are OUR cases, are they not? - SH

But you usually call them 'mine' or 'my cases'... - JW

Yes, and up until this morning I didn't have a tattoo of the word 'Blogger' on my hipbone. Things change, John. - SH

Yes. Yes I suppose they do. I love you, you crazy scientist/mad-man/detective/sociopath/git. - JW

I love you too, John. - SH


	52. Anderson

_**52. Anderson (or Yarders) (for TheMysteriousGeek2345)**_

Note: So sorry this one took so long! I was nervous because I went a different way with it than I expected and I didn't know how it would be received! I hope you like it. It's not one of my favourites, but I still hope it meets requirements.

_**Another Note: Someone recently suggested to me that I should write kid!lock. Originally I doubted I would do any good at it, but recently I have decided to give it a shot anyway! So, unfortunately, this means that beyond Chapter 60 of Text Message, the updates will not be as frequent in favour of starting up my kid!lock collection. I hope you enjoy those just the same! And again, any prompts are very welcome. I won't start them until after Chapter 60 of Text Message, but keep an eye out on your emails so you don't miss them! Haha. Thank you all so much for your support! I'm not abandoning this collection at all! Just slowing down my updates for it. I do have exams coming up after all! *cries***_

_**Enjoy!**_

-

Sherlock? - JW

Sherlock? Where are you? It's almost 10. It's dark out. You didn't tell me you had to go to Bart's today. - JW

Sherlock? Are you okay? Do you need me? I'm not busy. If you need anything, I'm free. - JW

Sherlock. Starting to worry now. Please tell me where you are. I'm sorry I keep texting but you won't bloody pick up. - JW

Are you mad at me? What've I done? - JW

Sherlock, stop this. You need to tell me where you are. One word. That's all I need. One word to let me know you're ok. Please, Sherlock. You can't hate me for being over-protective. I know what you're like sometimes. I need to know you're ok and I'll leave you alone. - JW

I love you, Sherlock. Have you done something to upset me? Whatever it is, I don't care. I won't get mad. Just please come home. - JW

Right, I'm calling Lestrade. It's almost midnight, this is ridiculous. - JW

Oh, don't be such a drama queen, John. I'm out. Walking. I'll be back by the morning. - SH

Sherlock! Where are you walking? Why did you decide that walking was a good idea at 1 o bloody clock in the morning! - JW

I needed to clear my head. Nicotine patches weren't working fast enough. - SH

What's bothering you? We're not in the middle of a case. - JW

No, I'm very aware of that. It's nothing. I'll be fine. I am fine. Go to bed and stop worrying. - SH

I can't just bloody sleep when I know you're walking the streets of London at night! Jesus, Sherlock! What kind of partner would that make me? - JW

A considerate one. Now go. - SH

No, I'm coming to find you. Where are you? - JW

No, John. I'm fine. I need solitude. It calms me. - SH

Then at least tell me what's wrong. - JW

Its really nothing, John. Just words and meaningless insults. In fact, they're so weak they've no right to be named as such. - SH

Insults? Are you upset because you feel offended? Is this Anderson's doing? - JW

It's not important anymore, John. Just drop it. I said they were meaningless and they are. - SH

But you never let Anderson get to you... What did he say? - JW

What they said is not important, John! Go to bed. I'm fine. Trust me, I'm absolutely fine. - SH

Yes, last time we said this you'd thought you'd seen a demon dog in the woods and nearly drove yourself bloody insane. I'm not doing this again, Sherlock. Tell me. Now. - JW

Wait. You said 'they'. It's more than one person. More than just Anderson. This is the Yarders all together isn't it? I knew it. I knew it did hurt you. You're just such a bloody hard-frame that you give off the impression you can take it all. But you can't. What was it that triggered this spontaneous walking then? - JW

The Yarders. Well deduced, John. I said they were meaningless words and they are. It's fine. - SH

NO IT'S NOT. If you're not fine, then things aren't fine. And I'm not fine, Sherlock. Did they call you a freak? A psychopath? What was it? - JW

No, no. I'm used to all those by now. They no longer bother me. - SH

Then what the bloody hell was it, Sherlock? - JW

They mentioned you. - SH

Me? What about me? - JW

They said you were out of your mind. Insane for putting up with the likes of me. Mad for caring for such a 'cold, heartless creature like him.' I heard it all with my own ears, John. Hurting me I can deal with, but they so much as breathe a word against you and for some reason I crumble. - SH

Oh, Sherlock. You shouldn't let them get to you. Especially when they talk about me. It's all stupid. Bloody stupid. You know what? Yes, actually. I agree with them. I am out of my mind. I am insane and mad. But if I weren't then I wouldn't be where I am now. If I weren't then I wouldn't have you. If I weren't all those things then I'd be plain and normal. - JW

Your point? - SH  
_  
_Normal's boring. xx - JW


	53. Honey and Bondage

**_53. Honey and Bondage (for Chezza456)_**

**_Note: A slightly dirtier one here! Nothing outrageous, just talk. Although I can't say I didn't enjoy writing it. ;)_**

**_I merged the two prompt words together but at the same time wrote them slightly separately. Except, the more observant of you lot will notice that one follows on from the other. A bit of BAMF!John. Hopefully he's not too OOC. _**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

Was it regular honey or runny honey? - JW

Either. Both. Your decision. - SH

Yeah, thanks. It was you who requested the bloody stuff, Sherlock. Which one do you want? - JW

Very blunt, John. Get both. If I run out of one I can use the other. Two different types... I could call it an experiment. - SH

Just what exactly are you bloody planning? Is this the same as the chocolate thing? - JW

Nothing whatsoever, John. ;) - SH

Alright, smarmy git. Stop winking at me. I can tell you're up to something. Again. - JW

Why is it always me who seems to be scheming? I never see you with spontaneous ideas to enhance our otherwise measly lives. - SH

As a matter of fact. I do have something up my sleeve. Or around my neck, as it where. - JW

What? You're new scarf? Don't try and pretend I haven't noticed. It's red. And above that, you never wear scarves. What's started all this? - SH

You'll see. Got the honey. Was there anything else you wanted? - JW

You. Right now. - SH

Me? I'm on my way home. Are you okay? - JW

No, John. I want you. Really want you. Hurry. - SH

I'm almost at a cab. Can you wait? - JW

Not very patiently. Don't worry about taking the shopping to the kitchen when you get in. Just come straight to me. - JW

In the bedroom? Sherlock, I have frozens. - JW

Must you kill the sexual tension so viciously, John? Ignore the goddamn frozens and come straight to me. No exceptions. - SH

Well, fine. If you don't mind eating ice cream with a straw. - JW

It's not the ice cream I care about, John! It's the honey! How far are you? Growing increasingly impatient and self-reliant here. - SH

Oh God, Sherlock. Stop putting images in my head. The cab driver will kick me out for my actions. - JW

I'm glad you're eager. How far are you? - SH

I'm always eager, Sherlock. For you, anyway. 5 minutes. - JW

Ugh! This is torture. I can barely text. - SH

Shut up you bastard! You might be in the privacy of your own bedroom but I'm bloody not! I'm not free to self-indulge like you are. For God's sake, it's embarrassing enough as it is without you giving me cause to make inhumain noises in the back of a cab! - JW

Just doing my job, John. ;) - SH

I'm outside. - JW

Finally. Hurry up. And don't forget the honey! - SH

-Later-

How lng are yu goin to leave me lke this? - SHh

You type exceptionally well for someone who's completely blindfolded. - JW

Whre havve you gone? What dd you tie my wristss with? - SH

You're blindfolded by my new scarf and your wrists are tied with yours. Wonderfull typing skills with your wrists tied to the bedpost like that. And suffering post-coital tiredness? Remarkable. I really must congratulate you, Sherlock. Next question? - JW

Why dd you lt me keep my phne in my hnad? - SH

Because I knew you'd text me. ;) I like you inquisitiveness sometimes. Any more questions? - JW

Whre are you? - SH

Out. - JW

For how lng? - SH

Long enough. When I come back you'll be so grateful to see me, you'll let me do whatever I want with you. - JW

Clevr. I see what youmre ttryjng to achieve. I can't say tht I'm prticilarly biased on the matter. - SH

Of course you're biased. In fact, I know you well enough to say you're even a little bit excited. - JW

You've nevr been wrong yet. Hoever, my writs hurt from texting you baxkwards and I'm growing imptient. - SH

Good. Impatient is good. See you later, Sherlock. I love you. - JW

Loce yu too, John. Hurry the fk up. - SH

Stop swearing, else I'll make you wait longer. ;) - JW

Argh! - SH

Haha. Just remember, you'll thank me in the end. Over and over again. ;) - JW


	54. Tweezers

_**54. Tweezers **_

* * *

John. I need you to bring me the tweezers from the bathroom. I've just broken the ones I have here and Molly informs me they were the last pair available to me. It seems some things are restricted in this hospital. Dull. - SH

No. - JW

No? What do you mean, 'no'? - SH

I mean 'no', Sherlock. No I will not bring the tweezers from the bathroom. - JW

Why ever not? Seems a perfectly legitimate reason to ask for them. - SH

Whatever the reason is, Sherlock, I'm not bringing them. We use those tweezers for everyday... tweezer-usage! I will not have you experimenting on them. - JW

With, John. With them. I promise, no chemicals or bodily fluids will go anywhere near them. I need them for picking up substances that I cannot touch with my hands. - SH

Yes I know what bloody tweezers are for, Sherlock! I don't care. The fact that you need them in a hospital in the first place is bad enough. Secondly, I don't want to know how you managed to break the last pair! Those tweezers are used by both of us. You can't try and negotiate that they're not needed. End of discussion. - JW

You sound like you could do with some relaxation, John. I'll manage without the tweezers then. Are you alright? - SH

Yes, yes I'm fine. Just...pent up about this thing with Harry. I thought she'd come off the drink. - JW

We both did, John. Perhaps you should visit her? It might do you both some good. - SH

And leave you alone to deal with cases and fight off murderers and eat off your own accord? I doubt it, Sherlock. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would wind me up even tighter. - JW

Like a drum. I would know. Well it was only a suggestion. Stay here then. Make sure I eat. Boring business. Do you not get bored, John? - SH

Of you? Never. Wouldn't change it for the world, Sherlock. You know that. - JW

I do, John. I do. xx - SH

Jesus! You put kisses! I didn't even know you were aware that the 'x' button worked! ;) xx - JW

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - SH

Well it does. xx - SH

I never saw you as the 'kisses at the end of a text' type. - JW

Well? Your opinion of the new found change? xx - SH

Hmm...it's out of character for you. I think we should stick to faces. :) - JW

Fine. I'll display my kisses else-ways. Lucky for you. ;) - SH

Yes. Faces are better. :) - JW


	55. Curtains

_**55. Curtains **_

_**Note: Another of my personal favourites. ;) Sorry for the lack of update yesterday! **_

* * *

Are you in the living room? - SH

Well why don't you get off your arse and look? - JW

I don't need to. The time it took you to reply shows that you're on your laptop, which you rarely use out of the living room. - SH

I could be doing anything in the living room. What makes you think I'm on my laptop? - JW

Your blog was just updated. Please John, I'm no simpleton. - SH

Of course not. It would take a simpleton to think so. What did you want? - JW

I need you in here with me. - SH

Where are you? - JW

Our room. - SH

Then why didn't you shout through rather than text me? - JW

Texting was more suited. I need you, come in here. - SH

What for? I'm busy. - JW

You're never busy unless it's something to do with me. - SH

Sherlock. I'm staying in here. Whatever it is you want you'll have to get it from me in here. I'm comfortable. - JW

Very well. - SH

Why do you make it sound like a consequence? - JW

Oh, it is a consequence, John. It is. You'll see. ;) - SH

-Later-

Boys. Next time you plan on displaying intimate affection towards one another, could you refrain from doing so in your living room with the lights on? I have some severely disturbed camera-operators to deal with thanks to you two. Next time, be civil and go to the bedroom. Or if you really cannot wait that long, shut the curtains! - M

That'll teach you for spying on us, Mycroft. I do believe it is your own fault that you witnessed what you did. I will not apologise. - SH


	56. Hamish

_**56. Hamish (for Broken-Zodiac) **_

_**Note: Parent!lock. Slightly different than the others. Sorry if it's not some of you's cup of tea. It was a request so it's gotta be done! =) Haha, enjoy!**_

_**Another Note: There's a very slight alteration in something in this one. It's probably blindingly obvious, I am dealing with Sherlockians after all! However, see if you can spot it before attention is brought to it! =) You most probably do...**_

* * *

Are you waking him up or am I? - SW-H

I'm only in the kitchen, why did you need to text? - JH-W

Because shouting through would defeat the purpose of the question in which I am asking. Just answer me, John. - SW-H

I can do. Why? Do you need him awake? It's only 9:30am. He's been up throughout the night, I was going to let him sleep for a bit longer. - JH-W

Very well. You know, if he bothered you in the night you could have woken me. - SW-H

And have us both up for no reason? If he only needs one of us then there's no point in us both being awake is there? Do you want tea? - JH-W

Tea would be excellent, thank you John. - SW-H

Where are you? I thought you were in the living room? I'll leave your tea on the table. - JH-W

I was. Now I'm upstairs. Thank you. - SH-W

Why? I thought we were going to leave him be? - JH-W

No one said anything about waking him up, John. I'm simply...observing. - SW-H

Observing? What is there to observe about our son that you can't wait until he's awake for? You might disturb him, Sherlock.  
- JH-W

Oh please, John. You know very well how quiet I can be when I want to. - SW-H

I also know how loud you can be when you want to. And I don't mean that in the preferred sense. You could wake him, Sherlock. He has chicken pox and he needs to rest. Please come back down and leave him for another hour or so? - JH-W

Fine. But you can't blame me for wanting to spend time with him. - SW-H

I know, Sherlock. I know. And I don't blame you. Not in the slightest. And if I could go back and make your childhood better, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I can't do that. So instead I'm doing what I can do. And making sure you're happier now. As well as Hamish. - JH-W

I don't thank you enough, do I? - SW-H

What? - JH-W

I don't thank you enough. For what you do for me. For Hamish. I should learn to thank you more often. - SW-H

Don't be silly, Sherlock. I know you're grateful. You show it differently but I know it's there. And I still love you.  
...You're still sat beside his bed aren't you? - JH-W

You know me so well, John. Just 5 more minutes with him. I promise not to wake him. I love you too. :) - SW-H

I've just realised something. My initials haven't changed that much... They've only gone from JHW to JHH-W in full. - JH-W

My god you must be bored. Do you regret it then? Marrying me? - SW-H

Not in the slightest. Nothing could change that. Certainly not something as silly as initials. Sherlock Watson-Holmes. ;) - JH-W


	57. Cemetery

_**57. Cemetery** _

_**Note: Just as portrayed in A Scandal In Belgravia, Sherlock has a circle of people around him in contact with each other and caring for him, making sure he's ok. We see a small insight into this circle when Sherlock and Mycroft are in the morgue on christmas day and when Sherlock leaves, Mycroft and John exchange a phonecall to let John know Sherlock's on his way back, because John was searching the flat for evidence of drugs or cigarettes. John asks Mycroft if Sherlock took the cigarette he offered him. Mycroft confirms he did and John curses. Mycroft then urges John to keep a constant eye on him, when John begins to explain he has other plans that night, Mycroft simply says 'No.'. **_

_**I find this circle of protection for the detective somewhat comforting and warming that a man who finds it very hard to care for others, has a constant caring group of people around him making sure he's ok. Even though he doesn't know it. **_

_**I thought once, what would it be like if Sherlock and Mycroft had an agreement on one thing. That John was different, and necessary, therefore needed caring for too. A constant watch over him. Also unaware of it. And so this text message conversation was born!**_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Code Beige. - SH

Cemetery. - MH

What? Cemetery? - SH

John's at the cemetery. I've been informed that he has been for the past 2 hours. Everything alright? - MH

I thought so. It seems his location has told me otherwise. - SH

Well then, I suggest you get there as quickly as possible, Sherlock. - MH

-Later-

John. Why won't you answer your blasted phone? - SH

John! I'm at the cemetery. Where are you? Mycroft told me you were here. - SH

It doesn't take a genius to work out where I am, Sherlock. - JW

Why there? It's all over now. It has been for almost 4 years. John... - SH

Actually, you're wrong. It's not 'almost' 4 years at all. It's exactly 4 years. 4 years today was your funeral. - JW

And you suffered pain that day? - SH

Immensely. - JW

Then why force yourself to relive it? It's not necessary. - SH

I find it necessary, Sherlock. - JW

Why? Am I not the same as I was before the fall? You're paying your respect to the man who died? The Sherlock Holmes that existed before the fall? A different version of me? Have I really changed that much? - SH

You have changed, yes. But not all that much, and certainly not in a bad way, Sherlock. I suppose I just came here because it was the first anniversary of your funeral that I wasn't alone for. - JW

And you prefer it that way? To come here alone? - SH

I don't know. In a way it's nice because I can be alone with my thoughts. When you were 'dead', I came here often to talk to you. The conversations were always one-sided, of course. But I still felt your presence enough to convince myself I wasn't being silly and going mad. Something made it seem like you were listening. Sorry, I know it's sappy of me. - JW

Not at all. It's odd that you felt my presence here. Because I was here. Every day you came, I came also. Mycroft thought you were going mad. He told me to come and see what it was that brought you here so often, especially when the sight of my gravestone wouldn't likely improve your state. So I came once, heard you talking to me about your job and Harry, and I came back with you ever since. I watched you closely for those 3 years, John. Making sure you ate, slept, washed. Silly things that you often keep me in check for now. Sometimes, when I was worried and couldn't find you, I would ask Mycroft. We eventually came up with this code name for it. 'Code Beige' because of your jumper. I sometimes still use it even now. - SH

That's oddly sentimental of you, Sherlock. But not in a bad way. Not at all. How long have you been standing behind me then? - JW

Quite a while, John. Shall we talk in person now or is the silence of texting more soothing for you? - SH

The silence is soothing. But can I ask that you come and stand with me? Don't ask me why. I don't even know myself. - JW

Of course, John. I'll never leave your side again, I promise. - SH

Apart from when I go grocery shopping and you're too lazy to get out of your sheet? ;) - JW

Well there is always then...but let's pretend that doesn't happen for now. Just for the sake of this moment. :) - SH

Okay. - JW

I love you, John. - SH

I know, Sherlock. I know you do. I love you too. - JW


	58. Tubes

_**58. Tubes (for NeoCosplayCat)**_

* * *

John! There's a twig in my tube! - SH

Sherlock? ... Greg have you stolen Sherlock's phone? It's not funny. Even for you this is cheap. - JW

No, John. It's me. It's Sherlock. There's a twig in my tube and its causing disruption! - SH

Well get it out then Sherlock! I fail to see how I could be of any help! - JW

I need someone to panic with, John! - SH

More like panic TO. Sherlock, just get it out of your 'tube' and you'll be fine. What tube are you even bloody referring to? - JW

A test tube! Of course. - SH

Of course... Look, just get the bloody thing out and then you can return to your experiment. - JW

No! The twig is marvellous, John! - SH

What? I thought you said it was causing disruption? - JW

Yes! But this disruption is good! - SH

Are you going to explain any further or is that it? - JW

The twig confirms it! Loam soil. The soil on the bottom of Mr Kraye's shoe was loam soil. Not clay soil as we first thought. - SH

Which means? Sorry, I don't see how soil could be of any importance. - JW

LOAM SOIL, JOHN! The soil was PLANTED on the soles of Mr Kraye's shoes! The soil surrounding the mansion was all clay soil. No humus or 'dead organic matter' as you simpletons put it. Therefore, the soil on his shoes was put there by someone who clearly doesn't know their soil types. That rules out the gardener. - SH

But why would someone plant soil, Sherlock? Other than to grow something in it. - JW

Oh that is a wondrous joke, John. Do write it down so you can save it for parties. No. The person who planted this soil on these shoes clearly wanted Mr Kraye framed for the murder of Miss Matthews! It rained overnight before the day of Miss Matthew's death. The ground was noticeably muddy. Therefore to frame Mr Kraye, he would have to have muddy shoes! They planted the soil onto Mr Kraye's shoes from somewhere easily accessible to them that wasn't the mansion gardens... Therefore, they are the prime suspect! - SH

But Mr Kraye's dead, Sherlock. - JW

Yes! They wanted us to believe he'd committed suicide once realising that he'd killed his employer's daughter! Oh, this is clever...very clever. We're dealing with a master here. They took the shoes from his body once they'd killed him, dirtied them in LOAM soil and then put them back. We need to find the nearest locations of loam soil to the mansion. Shouldn't be too difficult. Most of the earthy areas around the estate are sand or clay soils. One of the perks of it being a seaside mansion! So, that narrows down the possible locations of loam soil and narrows down who our prime suspect is. Someone with easily accessible loam soil. Notify Lestrade, tell him of the breakthrough and ask him to meet us at the Grenning Mansion as soon as you've finished work. What time is that again? - SH

Sherlock. I'm in the living room. It's Sunday. I'm not at work today. - JW

Oh. Really? My apologies for getting so engrossed. - SH

No, it's fine. I'll text Lestrade. Whenever you're ready. - JW

Ahah! Twig's out! Marvellous! Tell Lestrade I'll be there ASAP. I may need to further examine this twig... - SH

Right. We're examining twigs. Let me know when you've taken a break from picking apart particles of tree branch. I'll be asleep on the sofa. - JW

Can't talk. Busy. - SH


	59. Stolen Skull

_**59. Stolen Skull (**__**for Chezza456)** _

* * *

John. My skull's moved. - SH

Okay. - JW

John! My skull's moved! - SH

Why is that so alarming, Sherlock? Mrs Hudson's probably taken it to clean the mantelpiece and not remembered to put it back. Or maybe it decided it was so bored in this flat that it finally hopped up and left. You might catch it at the tube-station if you're quick. - JW

Stop being so humurous about this, John. It wasn't Mrs Hudson. The mantel is still dusty. The only explanation is theft. - SH

Theft? You honestly think someone has STOLEN your skull, Sherlock? What, voluntarily took it from your possession into theirs? Please. - JW

John! This is serious! Who have you let into our flat recently? - SH

He doesn't talk much does he? - JM

Moriarty. - SH

It's a shame really. I rather fancied a chat with the little guy. He is, after all, a fly-on-the-wall in that flat of yours. Wouldn't you just panic like a little girl if he really could talk, hmm? As I said, I'm mildly disappointed. I was excited for the latest 221B gossip. - JM

Return my skull, in one piece and undamaged by 11:00pm tonight and I might consider not hurting you. - SH

Threats? My my, a little harsh there now aren't we Sherlock? Does the little fellow have a name? John, perhaps? - JM

11:00pm. No later. - SH

I am so very disappointed in you Sherlock...I was expecting something more...inventive. It's one of the many reasons I enjoy provoking you. I never quite know what you'll do next. Still, that WOULD be the case if I wasn't your equivalent. Turns out you're so easy to predict. - JM

You are no equivalent of mine. - SH

Oh no, silly me! I forgot. You're on the side of the angels. Ah well...I suppose opposites attract, right? - JM

John. It was Moriarty. Moriarty took my skull. - SH

How the hell did he do that? He hasn't been here! - JW

Are you sure? 100%? - SH

Well I certainly wouldn't have let him in! I've been off work for the past week. The skull was here yesterday. So he must have taken it at some point after that. - JW

He must have some sort of alliance with someone in this building. Who recently moved in upstairs? Newbies, never trust them, John. - SH

I'll keep that in mind, Sherlock. Do you need me to do some interviewing? - JW

If you wouldn't mind, John. You are my best man after all. I'll work on planning my forfeit should Moriarty not show up tonight. - SH

You're leading him here? Oh, that's just great Sherlock. Thanks. - JW

Don't worry, John. I'll make sure you're untouched and unharmed at all costs. - SH


	60. Anderson (Part 2)

**_60. Anderson (Part 2) (for paisley15, starrysummernights and Flamingspain)_**

**_Note: Sorry for the short break! _**

**_Another Note: So as you already know, updates after this chapter will begin to slow down due to both my exams coming up and my other collection of one-shots centered around kid!lock starting up. Prompts are still welcome for both Text Message and the kid!lock so if you have any then let me know! _**

**_Enjoy! _**

* * *

'Right so we've got a young male, I'd say late-twenties but we'll have to wait for further results and the identification process to be completed first before that can be confirmed, I'm afraid. Found in the address of a Mrs Leverton.' Lestrade audibly sighed, folding his hands into the pockets of his coat. 'Should have been at work over 3 hours ago. Got a call from a Miss Madigan reporting him missing. She told us she's his work-partner.'

'Mistress.' Sherlock corrected and flicked his coat back to crouch beside the body, his pocket magnifying glass sliding open as his did so.

John cleared his throat and frowned. 'What makes you think she's his Mistress?' He licked his upper lip as he waited for Sherlock's answer.

'What? No. She's not. It was the Mistress that committed his murder. Mrs Leverton? She was this man's Mistress. A sexual partner outside of marriage.' Sherlock corrected again and frowned harder as he stepped back and forth over the body in various directions, inspecting skin blemishes and fabric tears.

'Yes, I know what a Mistress is, Sherlock.' John mumbled under his breath as the detective leapt about the body.

'Do you mind explaining this to me so I can write it down, Sherlock?' Lestrade scolded lightly and got out his pad and a pen.

'Male, late twenties, died from poisoning. Could be aresnic seeing as though it was ingested. However arsenic doesn't really seem her style...' Sherlock stalked over to the mantelpiece and swiped a finger along the marble.

'She?' John questioned.

'The Mistress, John! Look at this place! Not a speck of dust in sight. Do you really think a woman of this cleanliness would kill a man using arsenic? A poison that leaves obviously evident traces behind? No. Traces are the very nemesis of a woman like this.' Sherlock's eyes narrowed and glinted with excitement.

'Could just be a clean-freak woman?'

'Wrong. She had a high social status to uphold. Lestrade, get people checking this place for business papers, newspaper clippings, magazine articles. I need as much information on this woman as possible. John, with me. We're going outside.' Sherlock gestured in the direction he was about to go in and John made to walk with him.

'Oh, of course. Take John outside with you. We all know where this is going.' Anderson leant in the doorway and sneered.

'Do you make it a habit of your's to lean against every door-frame you come across, or do you just have a weaker frame on one side of your body?' Sherlock snapped back angrily and tugged on John's arm.

'That's right. Change the subject, freak. Like always.' Donovan stepped into the room and Lestrade shot her a 'not now' look. 'Careful! Don't mention the boyfriend. He might get tetchy.'

John noticed Sherlock's jaw clench and his own left fist followed in the same fashion.

'What's wrong? Got nothing to say? No way of defending yourself I suppose...' Anderson gave Donovan a victorious look.

'Alright! That's enough! Both of you. Get to work!' Lestrade ordered sharply and silence fell throughout the room.

'John.' Sherlock tugged on the doctor's arm again and started heading in the direction of the door into the kitchen.

'No.' John stated firmly, ripping his arm from Sherlock's grasp.

'John, don't-' Lestrade tried but the blogger cut him off.

'No. I'm fine.' He stepped up to the two snickering bullies and crossed his arms. 'Anderson. Donovan.' He regarded them both. 'When you've both quite finished your petty little game of 'let's poke fun at the detective', let me know.'

Silence fell again.

'Finished?' John aided them. They both nodded vaguely. 'Good. Wonderful. Okay, dare to call him a freak again and I'll have to resort to physical means of expressing my anger. Coppers or not. Got that?'

They both nodded again. Lestrade wiped a hand down his face and Sherlock watched on from where he was stood. A slight smile of amusement twitching at the corner of his lips.

'Good that's one thing out of the way. Next, I could not care less if you don't agree or approve of mine and Sherlock's relationship. In fact, your opinions don't mean squat to me. And I know they certainly mean even less to Sherlock.' His eyes and jaw were fixed hard but his soft tone with rough edges to his words made him seem undoubtedly authorative over both of the defendants. 'Okay? So shut up.' He spat. 'Because no one, not me, not Lestrade, and definitely not Sherlock wants to hear your opinions. Ever. So if I was you I wouldn't waste my breath trying to get a reaction you will never recieve.' John smiled then, a warm and scarily happy smile, extending his hand out for Anderson to shake.

The forensics expert took it and John moved forward to clap him on the back.

'Call me insane again and you'll be seeing a side of me you wouldn't want to be in a room with.' He whispered harshly, almost hissed, right into Anderson's ear. John released slightly but pulled back again sharply. 'And _ever_ call Sherlock cold and heartless again and you'll have your own blood to study forensics on. And don't even _think_ about calling him a creature. Understood?'

Anderson nodded, giving John a look as though he was a complete nutter. But that was only a front for the fear he was trying hard to contain. Donovan heard every word too and swallowed visibly.

'Good. Glad we had this chat.' John straightened up. He paused, a short silence as if he was calculating whether it would be worth making his next move.

Pulling back he swung and collided his right fist violently hard against Anderson's jaw. He then turned swiftly on his heel looked over to Sherlock, shouting one word.

'Run!'

They both raced out of the kitchen into the gardens of the crime scene house before Lestrade had the chance to arrest John for assault. Once outside, Sherlock gave an impressed smirk to his blogger running beside him.

_Thank you. _


	61. Penguin

_**61. Penguins **_

_**Note: I seriously hope you guys get the 'Code' thing at the end. I can see where there are two possible ideas you could get from it, but I hope you get the right one! Enjoy! **_

* * *

Okay, Sherlock. This isn't even funny. What in God's name is this? [image.x] - JW

That is a penguin, John. - SH

I know it's a bloody penguin, Sherlock! - JW

Then why'd you ask? - SH

Oh for Christ's sake. Sherlock. I have a photo of a penguin sat on OUR kitchen worktop. - JW

Yes, John. I can see that. - SH

WHY do I have a photo of a penguin sat on our kitchen worktop? - JW

Because I put it there, John. It's a new experiment I'm working on. I think you'll like it actually. I'm testing to see whether if I feed it dyed foods, it will produce dyed faeces. - SH

Why would I like that? - JW

No, sorry. That's not even the most important question here. WHY are you doing that? - JW

I just thought you'd find it interesting. - SH

I'm doing it for fun, John. Not all my experiments are for research purposes. - SH

Right. So we now have a pet penguin...in the name of fun? - JW

In the name of science! John! You can name it if you like. - SH

I'm not going to name it. - JW

Fine. I will. - SH

Don't name it 'John' again. Please. - JW

You're no fun, John. See this is why I resort to finding fun in dyed penguin faeces. You let me down. - SH

I let you down? Okay. But don't make this dyed penguin shit idea MY fault. And you're cleaning it all up. Got it? - JW

Bad day? - SH

The worst. - JW

Code 'Patient'? - SH

Yes. More than ever. - JW

Okay, be there in 10. - SH


	62. Safe

_**62. Safe**_

* * *

Sherlock. I have left a keycode in your possession. Please see to it that you find it and DO NOT let it out of your sight. This keycode cannot be leaked under any circumstances. - MH

Why should I do that? I see no profit in it for me, Mycroft. -SH

For once in your strange little life, Sherlock, you're just going to have to trust me. - MH

Why are you choosing me to do this? Seems a little odd, dear Brother. - SH

Well I could ask John, but there is a high risk of being tracked and killed. So I decided to leave it in your capable hands. Was I wrong in doing so? Shall I text your dear Doctor Watson instead? - MH

I'll do it. - SH

Really? You seem very quick to change your mind... - MH

'Tracked and killed', you said. You know my rules. Where is this keycode? - SH

Ah, yes your 'rules'. Very well. I've left it at your flat. That is all I can tell you. I trust I need not ask you to delete these messages after we are done? - MH

You know never to put too much trust in me, Mycroft. What does this keycode entail? - SH

It is the code that unlocks a safe. - MH

A safe? - SH

Yes, a safe. A very important safe. That is all you need to be aware of, Sherlock. - MH

Fine. I will find it out for myself. Goodbye, Mycroft. - SH

Tracked and killed, Sherlock. And don't assume they'll only kill the holder of the keycode. If they find any ounce of weakness, they'll milk it for all it's worth. If i know your 'rules' properly, I suggest you keep John out of this. Completely. - MH

So you're suggesting I lie to him? - SH

I'm afraid it is quite necessary, Sherlock. - MH


	63. Lying

_**62. Lying **_

* * *

You've got to be joking me. - JW

What have I got to be joking you about, John? - SH

I can't believe you. You know sometimes, Sherlock, I really cannot believe you. - JW

What, John? - SH

I mean most of the time you shock me, yes. But I've never been so bloody astounded. - JW

John. If you continue to refuse to explain fully, I will simply call this a practice run and repeat whatever it is I have to done to cause such a reaction from you. Explain. John. - SH

The bloody nerve of you! How could you do that to her? Even after all she's done for you. Sherlock Holmes you officially astound me. I cannot believe this. Oh god. - JW

What? The situation involving Molly? Oh yes. - SH

How could you, Sherlock? I mean, I know you're cold. But this... - JW

Please, John. You'll come to realise just how necessary my solution turned out to be in the end. No matter my temperature. - SH

Sherlock, accidentally killing Molly's pet budgie during an experiment is one thing. But telling her it flew out of the window and is now free is an entirely different kettle of fish. You lied to her, Sherlock, to save your own skin. - JW

I lied to her to save from hurting her feelings, isn't that kinder? - SH

No, Sherlock. Lying is never kind. - JW

You lied for me. - SH

Sorry? - JW

Oh no need to apologise, John. I was well aware of the situation. I knew you were lying to spare my feelings. It was very thoughtful of you, however unnecessary. Thank you. - SH

No, I wasn't apologising you monumentally dimwitted genius. When did I lie for you exactly? - JW

You mean you can't remember? That case concerning The Woman. You came very close to telling me the truth, twice in fact. But eventually decided to settle with an alternate explanation. Very thoughtful indeed, John. But then, you always are. - SH

Exactly. You're not. Which is why this is so outrageously wrong of you. You need to tell her the truth, Sherlock. Hell she's devoted enough to you that she'll probably only cry a little bit and not even blame you at all. - JW

Devoted...hmm. Unusual choice of words there, John. - SH

Oh god. Please let's not. Not again. - JW

What? When are you coming home? - SH

I normally come home once I've finished work, Sherlock. Which is usually around 6:00. So expect me for about 6:10ish. - JW

Too long. Pity. I could really do with you now. - SH

What for? - JW

Oh nothing drastic. Just to cure my boredom. - SH

Well if that's all then you'll just have to wait. - JW

You didn't let me explain how. There are many ways to cure one's boredom, John. It all depends on one's mood and movitation. - SH

Yes alright Charles Dickens. Go on then. Your mood and motivation? - JW

Hmm. I've not had much experience at this one...but I'd label it 'playful'. - SH

Playful? Since when are you bloody playful? Other than when there's a dead body and a handgun involved? - JW

You do realised that makes us sound like quite the kinky pair, John. ;) - SH

Do you even know what kinky means, Sherlock? And don't do the wink face, we've spoken about this. It's just not you. At all. - JW

Shut up. - SH

Fine. I was about to suggest we initiate Code Patient so we can cure that terrible boredom of yours...but it seems you'd rather be a child. Pity. -JW

I'm halfway out the door. Be there in 10, Dr Watson. - SH


	64. Poor Sexting

_**64. Poor Sexting **_

_**Note: Use of language. **_

* * *

John. I'm naked and waiting. Hurry home. - SH

What the actual fuck, Sherlock? Since when was this your thing? - JW

I said hurry, John. And it's always been my thing. I've just never initiated it before. - SH

There's a bloody reason for that. - JW

I lied to you a moment ago. I'm not entirely naked. I've got one of your jumpers on. I'm naked apart from that. - SH

You...God. You really bloody suck at this. - JW

That's not all I suck at, John. - SH

Oh god, this is cringe-worthy. Yet oddly amusing. Keep going your making this cab ride all the more entertaining. - JW

If you'll continue to mock me then I'll stop. - SH

Don't! It's brilliant! - JW

No. I'm over it now. The moment's passed. You ruined it, John. - SH

Ah, shame. Well, there's always next time. - JW

What makes you think there'll be a next time? - SH

There's always a bloody next time with you. - JW


	65. Appointment

_**65. Appointment **_

* * *

Now I know you're going to protest, which is why I've chosen to tell you this late. But you have a dentist appointment this afternoon. - JW

No. - SH

Sherlock. You need to go. It's just a check up, everyone has them. - JW

No. - SH

I understand it's not what you'd prefer to be doing this afternoon, Sherlock. But it will only take 20 minutes, not even that. Just do it for me? - JW

Oh, why do you care so much, John? - SH

Because it's your dental health. And I'm not going to be very happy when you're trying to deduce a crime scene and moan every five minutes about your cavities! If anything, it looks like I don't care for you properly. - JW

So this is really about your reputation as boyfriend? - SH

No, it's about your bloody dental health! Okay, fine. If you go without much more of a fuss, I'll let you experiment without complaint for a week. - JW

Oh please, I experiment whether you complain or not. But I appreciate the attempted gesture. - SH

How did this turn into me doing you a favour? Just go to the dentist's, Sherlock. - JW

You mean to say you're not coming? - SH

Do you need me to come? - JW

I wouldn't call it a 'need'. - SH

I'll come with you if you want me to, Sherlock. In fact, I think it'd be better if I did. Offending dentists is likely to cause you more pain than if you never went at all. I'll help keep them from jabbing you at every available opportunity. - JW

And for that I am very grateful, John. - SH

Sarcasm? - JW

Not at all. - SH


	66. Bubble-Wrap (Part 2)

_**66. Bubble-Wrap (Part 2) (for PheonixFeather0198)**_

_**Sorry for the absence! I've been busy studying for my exams, but they're all done now! *happy dance* So my intention is back on writing.**_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

Okay, so I understand that this is 'payback' for the previous bubble-wrap related incident? - JW

Of course. Your deductive skills are definitely improving, John. You must have learnt from the best. - SH

Smarmy git... How long are you planning on keeping me trapped here? My wrist already aches from trying to hold the phone at the right angle to I can see it. That's not easy when your arm is pinned to your thigh. - JW

I expect it isn't, John. However, if you continue to complain I'll just extend the 'trapped' time. Your choice. - SH

Wait, you're making this sound more and more like a punishment. Have I done something to make you mad...again? - JW

No. You're fine. I'm not mad. Just...playful. - SH

Oh god, not this again. Playful is never good. - JW

Just trust me, John. Relax and wait patiently for my return. - SH

I would do that, but it's a bit hard to relax when every inch of your body is rigid and wrapped in bubble-wrap! Even harder when it's pinning you to a chair! - JW

I don't doubt that. - SH

So? How long will you be? I'm getting very quickly bored and very quickly tired. I also don't want Mrs Hudson to walk in. Explaining this to her will cost me more humiliation than this is worth. - JW

Then it is worth every second. - SH

God dammit, Sherlock! - JW


	67. Lady Adler

_**67. Lady Adler (for madbuffalo) **_

* * *

I came across something you might find interesting today. - The Woman.

Your grave. - The Woman.

Now why didn't you tell me you had died? - The Woman.

Of course I saw the papers. I didn't believe it for a second. I assumed you'd be in contact, more likely to ask me for help finding accommodation than anything. Yet you remained silent and unseen. Which was a terrible shame. - The Woman.

Why didn't you let me know, Sherlock? I could have helped you. - The Woman.

If this is some sort of jab at my own experience in fake deaths...you should know, from someone whose 'experienced' shall we say, you're way out of your depth with this one, sweetie. - The Woman.

You've effected a lot more people than you thought you would, in ways a lot more dramatic, Sherlock. - The Woman.

Fine. Keep up the act. But it doesn't stop me from talking to you. - The Woman.

Do you ever wonder how Doctor Watson is doing? - The Woman.

Funny. I thought you might at least be concerned for his welfare on the matter... - The Woman.

He's paler, slightly thinner, doesn't sleep much according to your brother and has not touched a single one of your belongings since that day. - The Woman.

Oh and you should probably know...he's got his limp back. He's using his cane again and everything. Poor guy. - The Woman.

When you're done with this charade, call me. Let's have dinner. - The Woman.


	68. Sundaes

_**68. Sundaes**_

_**Note: So this is more of a silly nonsense one really. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Okay. I'm at the counter now, for the love of god, have you decided yet? - JW

I'll go with the first one. - SH

With sauce or without? - JW

With. - SH

Any particular or shall I surprise you? - JW

Please, John. You should know by now that surprising me is not high on your list of talents. Chocolate. - SH

Sherlock. You've ordered a Lemon Sundae with chocolate sauce on it? - JW

Problem? - SH

Oh god...No, I suppose that's fine. At least you're eating something. I'm just ordering them. Be back soon. - JW

Thank you, John. What did you order? - SH

Work it out, Sherlock Holmes. - JW

Well, judging by the extensive quantity of chocolate digestive biscuits that you consumed earlier today, coupled with the fact that this morning you borrowed powder from Mrs Hudson to make hot chocolate with your breakfast instead of tea; I'd take the educated guess that, for some reason you are on a chocolate-craving high, and say you ordered a Chocolate Sundae. - SH

And the sauce? - JW

Surprise me. - SH


	69. Desire

_**69. Desire**_

_**Note: Sorry for such a long gap between updates! **_

_**Another Note: I have no idea what this is.**_

* * *

John. I need you. Right here. Right now. No excuses. - SH

Sherlock, I'm not going to drop everything and come running. As much as you behave like I am, I'm not a dog. - JW

Was that a sexual reference, John? You should know a lot of those go over my head. And it's important. I said no excuses. - SH

No it wasn't! And I think the lives and health of my patients can serve as a very worthy excuse! - JW

Such devotion. I admire that in you, you know. One of the many reasons you're so appealing to me. - SH

Jesus, you must really need my help. I've never heard such a string of compliments fall out of your mouth. I'll try and get there on my lunch break. - JW

Oh for god's sake... I suppose I'll have to wait until lunch then... although I'll have to warn you, my want for you may have disappeared by then. - SH

Want? Is this an experiment, a case or a sexual plea? - JW

Your mind is so far in the gutter it's drowning, John. But in this case, you are correct. After my failed attempt at what you called 'sexting', I figured I wouldn't mention it until you arrived home. Your mockery las time was definitely a turn-off. - SH

Sherlock, we've been together for ages. If you want me, just tell me. None of this 'sexting' business, we're far too old for that, in my opinion. - JW

I disagree, John. But if you insist, I will simply announce it like a fog-horn next time. - SH

Oh don't make it sound so distasteful, Sherlock. - JW

But it's what you wished for, John! And any good partner would grant every wish of their significant other. Are you sure you'd like the announcements via text or would you prefer them to be loud voicemail messages? I'm really not fussed either way. It is, after all, whatever you wish. - SH

Oh bugger off, you git. I'll be home for lunch. Read into that what you will. See you later. - JW

I have a blindfold, I very much doubt you'll be seeing much of me at all. Later, John. ;) -SH


	70. Code Patient

_**70. Code Patient (for starrysummernights)**_

_**Warning: sexual references **_

* * *

John sighed, running a hand down the sides of his mouth to meet at his lower lip. He pinched his eyes, already aching with tiredness, his head still woozy from the night before. Mike's birthday party hadn't been entirely a waste of time. Except for the fact that John knew he had to work the next day so had stopped drinking half-way into the night. Or so he thought. Apparently one of Mike's mates, whom John had never met, thought it hilarious to spike every one of John's drinks, leaving Sherlock with the awkward task of making sure the man got to bed okay and didn't choke himself during his sleep. Of course it went without saying that Sherlock hadn't told John about the drunken rambling that had ensued, neither had he informed him that while he rather enjoyed John sucking him off, covering his cock in jam was not something he was prepared to do for his drunk roommate.

**Dear God, help me. People could fall into the crack that this splitting headache is creating. – JW**

**A poor attempt at a joke, John. You really must be suffering. Jokes don't normally make themselves known with you unless it's to insult someone or you're in pain. How many more have you got left to see for today? – SH**

**Shut up. Just four left. Two of which I know will be a less-than-five-minutes job. But one that will take possibly 30… - JW**

**Make that five in total. Code Patient, I'm on my way. – SH**

John couldn't help but grin at his phone. He didn't reply. Instead he buzzed the next patient in, determined to leave as much time with his fifth patient as possible.

"John, I'm afraid we've had a last minute appointment made. A 'Mr Spike', says he's a new patient. Shall I tell him to go through to you?" Sarah asked John over the phone while getting Mr Spike to sign the New Patient forms.

John had to chuckle at Sherlock's choice of name, even if it did make his head throb again.

"Yeah, yeah. Send him in." He put the phone down and waited. Not long after, five knocks came on his door in three groups of a 2, a 2 and a 1. Their secret code knock.

John hopped out of his seat and rounded his desk to open the door.

"Ah, Mr Spike. Lovely to meet you, I'm your new doctor, John Watson." John played it for Sarah who he shot a warm smile to before ushering Sherlock into his room and closing the door.

Not two seconds after the door was closed, 'Mr Spike' was being attacked by his new doctor's lips.

"You- *kiss* will be *kiss* the *kiss* death of me *kiss* you genius bastard." John grinned against Sherlock's lips and the detective returned the kisses just as eagerly.

"Death? *kiss* Surely not." Sherlock worked his uncomfortable disguise coat off and threw his bowler hat across the room, allowing his curls to bounce free once again.

John reached up and tied his fingers through them, nose brushing against Sherlock's.

"Nice touch with the name."

"Oh you noticed? I was worried you'd be suffering too much and my genius would go uncredited." Sherlock lifted his hands to cradle either side of John's head and started rubbing his temples soothingly.

John closed his eyes in bliss, mumbling, "Modest as ever."

"Always." Sherlock smirked and kissed the doctor's lips again, pushing him to collide with the door. His tongue worked its way into John's mouth and John fought back with his own.

Cold showers, glasses of milk, bananas and greasy food could bugger off. John knew, without a doubt, the best cure for a hangover was to sneak your boyfriend into your workplace and make out with him against the wall. In fact, he would write that into his next blog entry.

Breathless, John pulled back, head rested against the door and fingers helplessly caught in Sherlock's curls.

"You know…the longer we spend here, the longer I have to stay here. You're my last patient…we could go home now."

Realisation hit Sherlock and he grinned, bending his head to nuzzle into John's neck. "A wonderful suggestion, doctor. Would that be prescription or hospital referral?"

John smirked, removing a hand from his boyfriend's hair to glide it down the side of Sherlock's lean form until it reached his hip. "Oh, I think we could even go so far as to say it would be a homemade remedy. Just so long as you stick to the required dosage."

Sherlock sucked a love-bite into John's neck and chuckled against his skin, "And what would that be doctor?"

"I'd say twice –ah- a day … minimum." He struggled. "Morning and evening –hnng- would be best but you can spread them a-as you wish." John gripped Sherlock's hip tighter, pulling him flush against him. "Sometimes… a third or fourth dose may be … required."

Sherlock lifted his head again to rest his forehead against John's, lips inches apart. The doctor smiled up at him, eyes locked. "Even a sixth, or seventh, or eighth…" He chuckled as Sherlock moved to nibble his ear but John continued his instructions. He was a doctor after all, had to stay professional and on task at all times. "Ninth..tenth.. –mmm- even eleventh…"

Sherlock's deep hum of approval resonated against his skin and John closed his eyes.

"I think it's time we went home, doctor." He whispered huskily into John's ear and relished in the small moan that emanated from the man.

"I think it best…we did."


	71. Freak

71. Freak (for Guest)

Any news? – GL

Not yet, Sir. I'll keep you posted, though. Apparently he was seen walking through Shaftesbury Avenue yesterday afternoon. That's the latest we've got. – SD

For God's sake…you'd think, for a detective, he'd be smart enough to realise the centre of London is an area to avoid when attempting a disappearance! Thank you, Donovan. – GL

Yeah, well. Like I said, the freak's not been seen since. Probably got his snob-of-a-brother to thank for that. – SD

Alright, Donovan. Enough of the insults. – GL

Just my opinion, Sir. – SD

Yeah, well I don't remember asking for it, thank you. – GL

Greg. News on John. I can't phone, don't ask. – MH

Good or bad? Don't tell me I've got another suicide report for send off? – GL

No. He's actually improving, mildly. It seems my brother has done something recently to…reassure him, should we say. However the details aren't yet known. – MH

I've got footage of Sherlock in Shaftesbury Avenue yesterday afternoon. The first sighting since the fall and the only sighting, it seems. Does that help? – GL

It gives an idea of the area he was in, so yes. Thank you, Lestrade. – MH

No problem. – GL

You can do me a favour quickly actually. – MH

Of course. – GL

Pass a message onto your employee, Sergeant Donovan for me will you? – MH

Yeah, what do you want it to say? – GL

Dear Sally,

I would appreciate it if you were to keep your opinions to yourself in future. Not that they effect myself or my brother in the slightest, but more how they affect people close to us, as it were. You wouldn't want your forensics team clearing up around the corpse of a certain Doctor, I presume? Neither that of a certain Landlady, Pathologist or Detective Inspector?

Don't hasten to forget what caused Sherlock's 'death'.

Insults can hurt, Sally. Strangely they have a greater ability to leave marks than a punch. Even when those marks left behind are invisible to the eye. Well, most eyes.

I trust you to keep your further opinions to yourself, as asked. There's no need firing you, we're short on plain-clothed police officers.

Mycroft Holmes – MH

Of course, I'll get that sent right away. – GL

Thank you, Gregory. It is most appreciated. – MH

Can I ask a question, though? – GL

I've not got long, but if you're relatively quick about it, yes. – MH

Do you really think insulting someone can cause their friends to grow suicidal? – GL

Well, it depends on both the individual suffering the insults and the individual's friend. If the insults were of great enough strength, then I would say yes. However, it also depends on the strength of the friend. If they feel they can put up with their friend being thrown insults and not batting an eyelid, therefore allowing the individual throwing the insults to continue, do you think they'd be able to stand it for a great length of time?

Well, if said friend cared about the insulted individual enough, they'd be able to stand with them and ignore the insults too. – GL

Ah, but that depends on character. Look at Doctor Watson, the amount of times he grit his teeth or clenched his jaw whenever anyone spoke wrongly of my brother. You remember his reaction to the papers on those days leading up to the fall? He is a military man, capable of stamping down his emotions, yes. But it doesn't mean he can simply forget about them. He's a Doctor too, remember. – MH

Oh, I see. So it depends on both strength and character of the friend. – GL

Precisely. For example, you, Gregory. Do you feel insults towards someone close to you would affect you in the same way as it affects John? Or do you think you'd be able to simply ignore them? – MH

I'm not sure. – GL

I think you are, Gregory. Remember I can see these things. – MH

Yes. Sorry. Well, I suppose I would feel offended on behalf of my friend at first, but if they are able to ignore the insults, and prove to me they really don't care about what others think, I should be able to ignore the insults too. Though it would take a while. – GL

Hmm. Well I am sure, based on what I know of your character already, that you wouldn't find it too hard to side with your friend and ignore. Was that your only question, Gregory? – MH

Yes. It was. – GL

Thanks. – GL


	72. Dublin

_**72. Dublin (for Deb Terry)**_

_**Note: This one has a slight-but-not-really-kind-of reference to another oneshot I've written, Explosion. (by the way thank you all so much for the positive feedback on that, it makes me very happy!) I just added it in for fun. Enjoy!**_

* * *

John. I need your opinion. - SH

Yes? - JW

It'll be easier if you came in here. I need to show you the item I'm referring to. - SH

Text me a photo then, Sherlock. - JW

Ridiculous, John. - SH

What is? - JW

Your laziness. You'd think for a military man you'd be able to put in the effort to enter a room. - SH

All the way from Dublin? I don't have that much effort, Sherlock. - JW

Oh. - SH

You forgot again didn't you? - JW

Wrong. - SH

What's wrong? - JW

You. You're wrong. You have the effort to travel to Dublin for me, therefore travelling back shouldn't be a problem. - SH

True. But I'm not travelling all the way home just to look at something. Besides, I'm out in Dublin FOR YOU anyway. - JW

Capital letters aren't needed, John. I can practically hear your emphasis from here. SH

Alright, thank you. - JW

What if I threw in something extra? - SH

How would that convince me to travel home? Just to look at a bloody piece of your experiment! - JW

Persuasion, John. You'll be interested to know I'm rather good at it. - SH

Interested, will I? I see. And what do you mean by 'something extra' exactly? - JW

Ah, that's where the second element comes into play. - SH

The second element? - JW

Curiosity. - SH

Oh, not this again. You know where this ended us last time. - JW

Precisely, John. My intentions exactly. - SH

THAT'S your plan in getting me back? I'm on a case, Sherlock! - JW

No reason why you can't take a short break. You've taken your laptop, I assume you fixed your webcam since I last used it? - SH

Yes, thank you. Next time don't try and install a flashbulb to it, it won't work! And no, Sherlock! I'm not taking a break from this case just to disappear to my hotel room to talk to you on webcam! - JW

Oh you and I both know talking won't much be involved, John. - SH

Sherlock! Do you want me to finish this case or not?! - JW

Really, John. You're starting to sound like a workaholic. - SH

Says the man who's married to his work. - JW

USED TO be married to his work. Now I have a different marital priority. - SH

Now who's using capitals? - JW

Enough of this, John. The case is a 4 at best. Come home and help me. - SH

Help you what? - JW

Cure this! - SH

Cure what, Sherlock? Boredom again? Because that's not old yet! Jesus. - JW

It's not boredom, John. Something else. - SH

Something else? Why do you need me specifically? Can't Mrs Hudson help? There are fabric plasters in the cupboard above the sink. - JW

I doubt very much either Mrs Hudson or you will like that idea. Fabric plasters won't help in the slightest. It's YOU specifically whom I need, John. Or rather, whom I want. - SH

Want? Oh. Right. - JW

So? - SH

This case is only a 4. I suppose it can be...put to one side. - JW

Excellent. Now, yes or no? [image.x] - SH

Yes. Very much bloody yes. I'm looking for airline tickets online now. - JW

Marvellous. I'll be waiting then. - SH


	73. Pirates

_**73. Pirates (for TheMysteriousGeek2345)**_

_**Note: A slightly-but-not-so-slightly AU one here. Parentlock is involved and for some reason they're on a case abroad and Lestrade and his family have travelled with them. Let's just say it was a very important pressing case, yes? Haha enjoy! **_

_**Another note: I have recieved a lot of Guests asking about chapter 53 (Honey and Bondage) and how it is possible for Sherlock to read John's texts when blindfolded. As you are asking as Guests, I am unable to reply to you individually. So I'll do it here instead:**_

_**I always wrote this picturing Sherlock having broken free from his bonds before texting John, but keeping up the 'tied up' act just for his own amusement. I guess it's kind of cruel of Sherlock to find such fun in the fact John believes he's in control...ah well!  
Although, my brother did point out to me, the text John sends 'You type remarkably well for someone who's completely blindfolded etc' could be read sarcastically meaning he knew Sherlock would just escape, I mean who can keep a genius contained right? Haha so there's that too. Whichever way you view it is up to you of course! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

Sherlock? Are you coming? Lestrade managed to get us a good spot, it lets Lily and Hamish play out in the sea. We're right by them so we can keep an eye out. - JW

Five more minutes. Typing up the last of this evidence. - SH

Sherlock. You promised you'd leave the case for a few hours. We're in Egypt, we may as well enjoy it at least. - JW

I am enjoying it, John. From our hotel room. Don't worry though, I can see you from here. I've always loved those red trunks on you. - SH

Sherlock, as much as I am flattered by your compliments, I'd prefer it if you were with us. Hamish wants to play with you in the sea. - JW

Tell him I'm busy, John. You know how I feel about sea water. - SH

He's your son, Sherlock! Put aside your petty bacteria rules for just a few hours and play with him! If it helps, I've got my laptop with me so I can be typing up the evidence while you play. Any better? - JW

I suppose. - SH

Good. Now, a heads up. Hamish has requested a particular game. - JW

And what's that? - SH

I thought it'd suit you better than me. Lily can join in too. - JW

Suit me? What is it, John? - SH

Pirates. Hamish has asked for it especially, and asked for YOU especially. I figured you'd enjoy it. But he's Captain, of course. - JW

Of course. And I suppose that makes me First Mate? - SH

Only the Captain can decide his first mate, you'll have to ask him yourself. - JW

I see. And what does that make you then? - SH

First Mate's Bit-On-The-Side? - JW

Is the First Mate allowed a Bit-On-The-Side? Surely that would cause distraction from their duties? - SH

Again, you'll have to ask the Captain, Master Holmes. - JW

I shall then. - SH

If you were to ask me, I'd say the First Mate would be allowed anything he wished for. - JW

Yes? - SH

Under one condition. - JW

And what's that? - SH

He gets his arse out of his hotel room and plays with his family on the bloody beach! I can see you still sat there, Sherlock! - JW

I'll be down shortly...Captain Watson. - SH

Nope. Hamish is Captain! And he's impatient! He says he'll make you walk the plank if you take much longer! - JW

What makes you think I was referring to the pirate game, John? I'll hurry then, sorry Captain Hamish. I'd be grateful if you could pass on my apology, Master Watson. - SH

Of course. Anything for the First Mate. ;) - JW


End file.
